Appreciation

In football, the player who successfully scores a goal rarely waits for validation. He breaks into a celebration run, happily punching the air, screaming out his lungs, stretching his smile and doing the victory dance. He does not wait for appreciation from others. He chooses to bask in his own appreciation.

But my friend was not so. He played many parts: educationist, actor, singer, musician, humourist and above all an appreciator. He would be quick to appreciate the slightest of good in others. But he denied it to himself. He was always tough on himself. He was forever sacrificing for others till he sacrificed his life many years ago.

Every time, he comes to mind, he brings along a wistful emotion… of a sad life that sought happiness for others... of a giver who gave abundantly and received frugally… and the prime perpetrator was he! He did not gift himself the attitude of his appreciation. He gave others coloured clothes but wore white and black.

Our attitude is a product of experiences in our impressionable age. Negative conditioning often leads to denial of the self. William James said that the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. But when we deny ourselves the appreciation that we deserve, we mire ourselves in unhappiness.

My friend knew his many talents and capacities. Yet he denied himself the appreciation that he would so easily offer to others. If only, he had celebrated his amazing performances like the football player after netting the goal, maybe his life would have been happier. May he would have been alive for his birthday tomorrow!

Each needs appreciation for happiness to be…

Why wait for others when it can start with me?

~ Pravin Sabnis

Out of form – MondayMuse (22 Jan’18)

the MONDAY MUSE of 22 January 2018 was wrongly posted on my poetry blog instead of here... here is making amends...

OUT OF FORM

On Facebook, Parag Hede raised a thought-provoking point on the term ‘out of form’ which is used to explain failure of sportspersons. The deliberations identified that it could be due to distractions (lack of focus) or fortification of a bad practice (habit) or a state of mind or confirmation of incapability to measure up to new challenges.

It is pertinent to note that ‘out of form’ is not an occurrence exclusive to sports. Other disciplines too, show good ‘players’ go through periods of repeated failures or underperforming. In sports, ‘out of form’ players have to take corrective steps or step out of the next game. It should be similar for other disciplines too!

Every enterprise can have best performers slip into ‘out of form’. When it occurs, one has to introspect and take remedial actions. But we may not to do so as our failures may not be up for public scrutiny (especially in comparison to other players). We may not have a coach or a selection committee to identify our ‘out of form’ status. And few of us would publicly accept our predicament even if we were aware of it.

For our own sake, we must define criteria of performance and assign evaluators to conduct appraisals. Business teams, professionals, organisations are increasingly appointing auditors to assess performance. These performance auditors must be impartial and timely to ensure prompt remedial actions for positive transformations.

Failure to take corrective steps sets us back in our tracks. Hence we need to have assessment of our defective actions. Additionally, we need to be told the reasons for repeated mediocre results or underperforming. When we are told, we will know. When we know, we can take steps to get out of ‘out of form’!

Only when we know we are ‘out of form’…
We can walk the remedial route to reform

~ Pravin Sabnis

Little pebbles in little hands

When a little hand clenches a little pebble
not to play… but to hurl, hurt and cripple…
When with fear and rage little ones tremble
it is the loss of a mind born openly simple!

A mind of a child is for kindness to reside
but some elders unkindly otherwise decide…
Love is submerged under the reprisal tide
and the loving child turns to a spiteful side!

Future is not for diggers of the past season
who ignore lessons that lead to reason…
Lines are drawn to define loyalty and treason
and childhood bears the brunt of the hate-lesson!

And little hands are handed pebbles for hurling
at hoods who as warriors are masquerading…
Never mind the trigger, we need calm thinking
does a child’s mind deserves such burning?

No wrongs can be ever set right this way
where children are led from peace to stray…
There are better paths than the bloody bay
where missiles are born of things of play!

It is time to speak up to reach every hearing
that the larger fight needs careful considering…
Little hands are not meant for harmful hurting
Little hands are meant for positive building!

So hand little pebbles to little hands now
but not in the name of another holy cow…
Let little hands with little pebbles play to show
Little towers that rise with hope on the brow!

And if not towers let the pebbles form a way
like steps that rise to lead to a better day…
in the name of humanity let’s assert to say
‘little hands need little pebbles only for play!’

~ Pravin Sabnis
(triggered by a video of a young child carrying stones to hurl at the crooks who unleashed violence on members from his community)

Similar

Yesterday was occasion to listen to Ramesh Bhatkal speaking on the topic ‘Gandhi’s Inner Voice’. The talk was part of MOG Sunday events at Musuem of Goa (MOG) curated by Dr Subodh Kerkar. Bhatkal narrated examples to explore Gandhi’s holistic interdisciplinary approach based on his inner voice.

In the interaction that followed the talk, a person asked whether everyone was owner to the inner voice like Gandhi. Bhatkal responded with an insightful answer, ‘each has a similar inner voice, though it may be not the same!’ He delved further to explain how Gandhi evolved through his experiments with truth.

The word ‘similar’ refers to having a resemblance without being the ‘same’. We often use the words interchangeably. For instance, two persons could be wearing similar clothes without wearing the same one. In fact, things that seem similar but may not be the same. This distinctness makes all the difference.

There is a tendency to see things, situations and people in singular perspectives. But we need to notice the divergence in the similarity. Understanding the underlying diversity gives deeper insights. We often confuse similarity for sameness. Doing so leads to prejudice and restrictive thinking.

Even within a person, things evolve and do not remain the same. We may seem similar to what we were but we may not remain the same. But we have the choice to choose a positive path to that evolution of reasoning. And this thought is confirmed in aligned actions. After all, thoughts and actions must be similar!

Being similar is not the equivalent of being the same…
Distinguish the deeper diversity in the reasoning game!

~ Pravin Sabnis

MONDAY MUSE has been written since the first Monday of 2004 by Goa based facilitator-trainer; Pravin Sabnis. Share feedback at unlearning.unlimited@gmail.com or 91-8698672080

A New Page

A post on social media reminded me of what my favourite teacher, Fr Gatti taught me. He asked us to strike out an error (while writing) instead of trying to erase it or blank it out. He would say crossing out the mistake meant that one was accepting the mistake, taking ownership for it and moving on.

Though, he was my teacher in school for only one year, I kept in touch with him till he passed away. Every interaction was an enduring lesson. One day, when I asked him what if the page was full of errors, Fr Gatti promptly declared, ‘Then take a new page… start afresh without the burden of mistakes!’

So often, so many of us struggle with accepting our mistake… and if we accept, we have inhibitions in owning up to our mistake… and if we own up, we are weighed down by the burden… we remain stuck on the same page. We must start a new page!

A new page is about fresh initiative... it is about moving beyond mistakes after accepting and owning up to them. When we own up to our mistakes, it is easier to learn from our faults instead of being discouraged. Starting a new page will take away our focus from past mistakes to newer efforts.

Interestingly, faults are not just noticeable errors in the results. They may be unnoticed errors in our efforts. Starting a new page ensures that we involve in fresh efforts which may be distinctly different from the earlier ones. New initiatives will bring along newer results!

In results or efforts, so that errors do not stay
Let’s start a new page… let’s walk a new way!

~ Pravin Sabnis