Not Crooked

On social media, Pedro received a forwarded photo. It captured the hammering of a straight nail into the woodwork, leaving aside a line of crooked nails (that got bent with the first blow of the hammer). The caption spelled out the lesson: ‘The crooked ones will be left alone; the straight ones will get hammered!’ 

Pedro responded with a diagonally different interpretation: Those that are crooked will be discarded in the scrap heap. Those that are straight will end up being useful!

So often, the nicest of persons, who walk the upright path, are sure that they are going to face the brunt of being ‘straight’. They may continue to align with their values, yet they are convinced that the crooked cheats will get the better returns.

While it is true that the choice to be ‘not crooked’ may result in tough outcomes, we must realise that it is the best thing to do. It empowers trust and enhances our trustworthiness. People rely on the ‘straight’ ones and stay away from the ‘crooked’ ones. Mankind has found use of those who are ‘not crooked’.

Believing in the usefulness of being ‘not crooked’ is very important to being happy with the choice that one has made. Just being ‘straight’ is not enough. We have to also believe that we are doing the right thing. We must rejoice that we have chosen to be ‘not crooked’.

The ‘crooked’ may seem to instantly benefit…
Into worthiness, the ‘not crooked’ will truly fit!

~ Pravin K Sabnis

Within

Mulla Nasruddin had lost his ring in the living room. He searched for it for a while, but since he could not find it, he went out into the yard and began to look there.

His wife asked: “Mulla, you lost your ring in the room, why are you looking for it in the yard?” Mulla said: “The room is too dark and I can’t see very well. I came out to the courtyard to look for my ring because there is much more light out here.”

One of the interpretations of the Mulla Nasruddin fable is to search within for that which lies hidden there. So often, so many of us search for things on the outside because we find it convenient to explore and examine the situation in sight. But the real search may lie within where they are to be truly found.

The ‘streetlight effect’ refers to the inclination for people to look for whatever they are searching in easier-to-look places instead of in the places that are most likely to yield the results they seek. Instead of introspecting and inspecting within, we keep searching in the outer world. The answers lie within!

Why search on external ground
Seek within for lost to be found

~ Pravin Sabnis

Interest - MondayMuse of 16 July

On our tour to Uzbekistan, an interesting incident occurred in Samarkhand. We returned from dinner to our lodging. An enthusiastic group from Fergana had organised a dance party. Our group was invited to join.

We swayed to the dance steps, lyrics and music of their Uzbek culture as well as Hindi film songs. We followed their steps. They followed our steps. Our diversity blended to a happy collage of smiles.

By 10pm, the music had to be stopped. But the dancing continued as they sang their songs and we sang a Konkani number. But the most interesting thing happened afterwards. The two nationalities were animatedly interacting with each other for over forty minutes. That they did not understand a single word of each other's language did not matter!

It was a great reminder that no barriers can prevent interaction if there is interest in the other person. We take extra efforts to express and extra efforts to understand if we are interested. It is pertinent to note one of the meanings of the word 'interest': the feeling of wanting to know or learn about something or someone.

The converse is true too. If we are not interested, no common ground will be good enough. Whenever we struggle with interpersonal skills, it could be due to a deficit of 'interest' in the other person. 

All interpersonal barriers will be put to rest

When we discover (in the other person) interest!

~ Pravin Sabnis

Tashkent, Uzebekistan

posted on 16 July 2018

Deference

‘I am a novice compared to others in the room.’

‘I am way behind the worthy elders in the hall.’

‘I am lesser to the greater personalities around me.’

So often people over express their deference whilst reciting a poem, delivering a speech, suggesting an idea or performing in the presence of relatively senior persons. Some may be faking humility. Some are preparing ground to avoid being judged critically. Some are dropping their confidence. Some are playing it as reverence.

Deference is a position of surrender often leading to passivity. The state of submitting to the espoused influence of one's superior, often leads yielding to restrictive judgement of capacity and competency. While it is good to express reverence to the ones we respect, over deference is no good!

Deference will be oft seen by the others, as well as by the self, as a confirmation of inability. Deference cannot be confused with humility or respect for others. It may be a cunning act or a reflection of low self-esteem or just a cultural habit that believes that being submissive is of greater glory than being assertive.

Many wrongly feel that deference is the opposite of aggressive pride. Hence they choose submission instead of aggression. But it is pertinent to note that positive assertiveness is the right choice instead of needless deference. We can retain humility, modesty and respectfulness while being firmly assertive.

Modesty is a virtue… as is reverence
But a bane is unnecessary deference!

~ Pravin Sabnis

Maintain

The gardener shared his secret, 'The first part is difficult… levelling the land as per design, adding the right top soil, arranging the drainage and other necessary things. The second part is simple and easy… just regularly trim the plants, weed them and water them. Keep doing that and you get a garden that remains maintained!' 

The best of gardens are not just well designed. They are well maintained. Without sustained maintenance, great gardens degenerate to pathetic form. As important as the initial design (if not more) is the follow-up to maintain the initiative. The one who maintains is the one who sustains!

What is true for a garden is true for every endeavour for excellence. So often, we put up our best efforts while creating something. We manage the difficult part but falter at the easy part. Well begun, it is said, is half done! But if we do not maintain a continued consistency, our best start can be undone.

Consistency is the hall mark of real achievers. They maintain a positive approach to the things they started. They buttress their vision with a mind-set of mission and the ability to be both, dogged and diligent. Steadfastness holds the key to success. Persistence is a value that ensures that we can sustain the advantage of a good start.

The garden needs steadfastness to maintain
Consistency ensures that result will sustain!

~ Pravin Sabnis