WRITE-HABIT

It was on the first Monday of 2004, that yours truly started what is now called the Monday Muse. I was fascinated with the theme – touch to transform – of the then National President of JCI India, Rajesh Chandak. When I shared with him a couple of musings on the theme, he insisted that I mail him one such musing on every Monday. I did so until April 2005, when I succumbed to the pressure of having to write every Monday.

Six Mondays I broke my write-habit, only to realise that my writing was being seriously followed by a few persons whom I held in great esteem. They included my leaders, mentors and trainers in JCI. It was the persuasive motivation by the people who mattered most to me, that Monday Muse continued with a consistency, save for an odd Monday when I would be away in the wild, disconnected from internet connectivity.

Today at the end of the seventh year of this write-habit, I choose to hold a rear-view mirror to look at the learning of the journey. To everyone who wants to write, the way is simple… simply write, without worrying too much about how it will be received. Be open to criticism and make the changes where you agree. Acknowledge sources and never pinch another’s work and pass it off as your own.

But the most important principle is to write as a habit. It is only when one writes consistently, two things happen… firstly, one grows with every creative venture and secondly a unique style of writing emerges. So many poets, writers and others never connect to their fullest potential, only because they do not engage in it as an effective habit. It is good to start something, but to be better we must transform it as a habit.

Keep at the habit and sure we will BE BETTER

Monday Muse shows how, seven years later!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

BASICS

During my school days, I read the story of a King who went on an extensive trip across his kingdom! When he returned back to the luxuries of his palace, he complained that his feet were aching. It was the first time that he had been on such a long trip, and the road that he walked on was uneven and rocky. Yet, as he had enjoyed the travel, he told his courtiers of his wish to travel again.

Immediately the learned court consultant suggested that every road in the kingdom be covered with leather. All the courtiers complimented and applauded the plan. However, the king noticed his court jester smirking. Upon being ordered to speak his mind, the jester said, ‘just cut a little piece of leather to cover your feet… spend the money instead on making shoes for everybody who travels on the rough roads!’

It is pertinent to note that situations are better transformed not by attempts to change circumstances superficially, but by empowering persons to tackle those circumstances. The larger lesson is that for planning to be better, it must focus on the traveller rather than the road, on the driver rather than the vehicle, on the farmer rather than the food industry, on existent sustainability rather than vague magnificence.

The story also underlines a valuable lesson of life… of starting with basics. It is all about transforming our own efforts and actions to achieve the desired results. Let us remember that instead of investing too much hope and effort in altering the larger predicament, let’s be better at making basic transformations.

The feet come first, the road comes later…

at starting with basics, we must BE BETTER!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

FULL-ON

Goa Sudharop (a team of Goan Diaspora) along with Fr Agnel College, Pilar organised a 3-day workshop for college students on the theme of ‘Goan Volunteer Spirit’. The resource persons were volunteers working towards positive transformations in different ways. Many a Monday Muse has been inspired by the attitude and approach of these sincere volunteers. Today, we learn from one more of them – Swati Kerkar!

Swati was inspired as a school student by the successful struggle by her villagers against the Nylon66 plant. Many years later she and a handful of youth replicated the campaign against the land grab on the same plateau by a SEZ. They grew to a core team of 80 villagers who built the awareness and solidarity in and beyond the village of Keri.

Swati kept reiterating that their resolve was never reliant on the chances of victory but rather their grit was founded on an unconditional commitment to the cause. Swati and her tribe, persisted in their resistance to stop destructive work at the SEZ site as well as successfully petition the High Court which passed severe strictures against the process and ordered the scrapping of SEZs.

Actually, Swati was insisting that any mission should never be motivated by the probability of success; rather we must always move full-on! The modern term ‘full-on’ refers to holding nothing back. Just look at the way one plays any sport. Real sportsmanship is about playing full-on. It is the same for other passions. Whatever we initiate will be better off, only if we give it our all… if we go all the way, full-on!

May win-prospects never shape zeal, when we take on…

we will always BE BETTER off when we operate full-on!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

MAP

Zen philosophy insists that truth has nothing to do with words. It likens Truth and words to a moon and a finger, respectively. Buddha says that though the finger can point to the moon’s location, it is necessary to look beyond the finger to see the moon.

Being obsessed with the pointer is pointless. More often than not we tend to spend too much time in analysis of the pointer. If we are discussing whether things are better or worse, we generally get stuck in the validity of concepts and models. Surely it would be better to step out and experience something directly.

It is pertinent to note that the map is never the territory. It is just a pointer based on a belief, a perception, an image or a thought process. If the map is right, we may reach our location. But if it is incorrect, we have to discard the map. Most of the time, our map keeps changing depending on the position we are in and our desired destination.

It is okay to have a map, only as long as we know it is a map. It is more important to connect to real territory. Too often, we allow the map to become an addictive restriction. Whether it is our own ego, life purposes or larger community concerns, we would be better off if we move beyond the map and embark on the journey of real experience sans the map.

Let’s step out for the real experience to tap…

and BE BETTER at moving beyond the map!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

BARREN?

Recently, a researcher was surveying responses to proposed amendments to the draconian Land Acquisition Act. In the village of Keri in Goa, Ramkrishna Jhalmi was asked whether he felt it was okay for the Government to acquire barren land. His response was worthy of a bond with land that only a tribal so passionately possesses.

Ramkrishna pointed out to his head and asked, ‘if I lose all the hair on my head, does my head become barren? Should then my head be knocked off?’ He questioned the urban perception of barren land. After all as a young student, he saw his village resisting the imposition of a polluting plant on the top of hill plateau of Keri. Their struggle was triumphant at the cost of the life of Nilesh Naik, killed in police firing.

A decade later, Ramkrishna and his village struggles to save the plateau from the rapist controls of a SEZ (special Economic zone) which is just another glorified land grab for real estate. For them, the plateau was far from barren. Besides being grazing land and having spiritual significance, the plateau was the rain water receptacle that charged the various springs, wells and water bodies. An assault on the plateau would translate into irrevocable destruction of the surrounding seven villages and the splendid spice farms therein.

So often, the urban educated see things superficially, wearing glasses of greed in the garb of need. What gets ignored is the underlying reality and the ramification of actions arising about prejudices about what gets labelled as barren land. To be better at connecting with the reality where no land is really barren, let’s remember Ramkrishna’s poser: will you knock off your head if gets barren of hair?

No land is really barren, if we look deeper…

let’s BE BETTER at seeing the larger picture

- Pravin K. Sabnis

WHAT THE DROP TAKETH

The anecdotes of Emperor Akbar and his trusted aide Birbal are entertaining as well as enlightening. Once, the Emperor received the gift of a rare perfume. As he opened the bottle, a drop of perfume fell to the floor. Akbar instinctively moved to retrieve it by wiping the floor with his finger. As he looked up he noticed a bemused look on Birbal’s face… his eyes seemed to mock the Emperor for being scrounging.

To change Birbal’s perception, Akbar summoned him the next morning to his bath. He asked his attendants to fill up the bathtub with the best of perfumes. Akbar sought to show Birbal that as Emperor he could afford to waste as much perfume, as he wanted. Birbal when asked to react said the immortal lines, “Boond se jati, woh haudh se nahi aati” (An entire tub full cannot retrieve what the drop took way!)

Birbal sought to tell the Emperor that his earlier instinctive action (that exhibited miserliness) could not be undone by an intentional action (aimed at big-heartedness). Our character is determined by our reactions, not by forced posturing. It is better to be transparent then wear favourable masks. In fact every little action and reaction, every spoken word and emerging thought reflects our true self!

To be better at being what we would like others to see us as, we have to look at what we really are. Introspection is the prerequisite for desired transformation. And that transformation has to begin from within to without by clarifying our values and aligning every action with our own declared principles. Otherwise the posturing in the tub shall not retrieve what the drop taketh away!

What the drop taketh cannot be reclaimed by a phony reaction…

let’s BE BETTER at renovating our inner self and external action!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

PRACTICE

During our school days, we would be all charged up every time we see a martial art movie. We would walk on our toes, run up the stairs with buckets filled with water and eventually join some martial art class. However, save a few, most would drop out of what seemed only an occasional infatuation. The interest was genuine but the commitment was like a sparkling, fizzy soda.

Motives play a significant role in inspiring action. However, the effect of motivation is effervescent. So often, we enthusiastically embark on journeys to do things we find exciting and attractive. And so often, the initial exuberance seems to drop down the way. Making a start can be rendered futile, if we do not go the whole distance. And going the distance merits going beyond motives and developing the practice.

Practice is the term commonly used to describe appropriate actions of a consistent nature. We need to develop the right practices to move towards desired destination. Jim Rohn said it so well, ‘Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going’. However, a practice is not just a habit that develops by itself. It is a conscious process of walking the talk.

A practice requires a greater commitment along with a plan that includes discipline, dedication and determination. Whenever inspired, we must be able to make a plan of investing our time, thoughts and action. Otherwise motivation will be just an occasional emotion. So whether it is learning a new skill or making a fresh pledge we need to be better at empowering effective practices.

Let’s BE BETTER at keeping on going…

our practices need solemn empowering!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

DEEP & WIDE

Look around at people you find interesting to converse with... They could be friends, doctors, pharmacists, barbers, shopkeepers or the like. What is the secret of being a successful conversationalist? They can talk politics with a politician, finance with a banker, sports with a sportsman, education with an educationist and so on and so forth.

Where does a good conversationalist learn to speak at almost everything under the sun? Besides reading, the good conversationalists possess the tolerance for listening and learning from every person they meet. However, it is pertinent to note that we would not be so eager to visit the conversationalist if he was bad at his basic job.

Never mind the additional attraction that your conversation skills offer, the other person will patronize you only if you are good at the basic job that you are expected to do. Learning is generally ignored after attaining desired academic levels, mainly when entrenched in the comfort zone of a secure job. However, it is a folly to stop learning.

Consider the traditional barber. He is a good listener and an engaging conversationalist. However, he also is constantly keeping apace with the latest trends, styles and news. Let’s choose to BE BETTER like the barber who goes after both depth and breadth of knowledge and skills… depth to be better at his basic expertise… and breadth to be better at conversation with his customers…

Let’s choose to BE BETTER like the barber

By going deep and wide as a proactive learner!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

MENTOR

In Greek mythology, Odysseus entrusted his fiend Mentor with the full care and education of his son, Telemachus. Because of Mentor's near-paternal relationship with Telemachus, the term Mentor has been adopted as a term meaning a parent-like teacher.

Mentors provide expertise to less experienced individuals to help them advance their careers, enhance their education, and build their networks. Many teams organise mentoring programs in which newcomers are paired with more experienced people, who act as friends and guides. In fact a major contribution that any person can make to his team and organisation is being a mentor to others.

The qualities of an effective mentor include risk taking, trustworthiness, a depth of knowledge and above all being emotionally strong. They engage in showing concern for the development of team members, giving good counsel when required and motivating the necessary struggle of their protégé towards progress.

While we see glowing examples of successful team persons who have grown through mentoring, it is also pertinent to note that too few, among us, are ready to devote time and initiative to the task of mentoring. The reasons range from an inability to share to the lack of patience to cheer from the sidelines. However, if we seek to leave a legacy in our lifetime, we must choose to be better at mentoring.

First we must make the choice to give time to share our experience along with care, concern and participation in the protégé’s progress. However, it is important that the mentor is not a back seat driver or just a how-to-do lecturer. But surely, it is a desirable role since the mentor too moves to higher planes as he mentors his mentorees.

Don’t just lead or be an occasional tutor,

Let’s BE BETTER at being a mentor !

- Pravin K. Sabnis

PICTURE PERFECT LIFE

We are constantly surrounded by verbal and visual messages that shriek and screech out that our life will be truly perfect if only… we had a better complexion, a better figure and physique, a better house, a better coat of paint on the walls, a better vehicle, a better bank… so and so forth. So many of us fall for the advert bait and barter away the outlook of contentment for the quest of a picture perfect life.

By swaying to the tune of ‘my life would be picture perfect only if…’ our focus on ‘my life’ becomes hazy and the spotlight remains stuck on an elusive picture perfect lifestyle! The essential difference between the two is the real reason for an extended season of discontent. We stray away from taking ownership of our life and play the game of chasing an illusory and imagined happiness.

When we succumb to the ‘my life would be picture perfect only if…’ trap, we lose touch with the reality of the present. And as we lose touch with the present, we disconnect from the attitude of gratitude. Surely, it is difficult to be grateful for what we do not possess. Hence it is necessary to practise being in the present and be grateful for what we have.

Eventually perfect lives are ones where self esteem is positive. And for our self esteem to be fortified, we must be better at practising basic contentment. And basic contentment happens when we take ownership for what we are and what we have. After all, more important than the size, shape and style of the cake, what matters is the way we relish it!

The picture perfect life is an illusion, dude…

Let’s BE BETTER at the attitude of gratitude

- Pravin K. Sabnis

JAI PRAKASH

The slogan ‘andhere main ek prakash… Jai Prakash’ (a light beams in the dark… Jai Prakash) echoed in the 1970s. The dark times referred to the authoritarian rule of then Prime Minister, Indira Gandhi; which eventually led in the infamous declaration of a National Emergency. Constitutional and democratic rights were trampled upon and a dissenting media and protesting citizens were under severe attack.

It was in these dark times that Jai Prakash Narayan, popularly called JP, stood up as an inspirational loknayak (people’s leader). JP was born on 11 October, 1902. A bright student, he joined the freedom struggle. Equally influenced by Gandhi and Marx, he eventually moved towards the Gandhian principles of non-violence.

In 1954, JP dedicated his life to Vinoba Bhave’s Bhoodan (donating land to the Dalits) campaign. He gave up his land, set up an Ashram in Hazaribagh and worked towards uplifting his village. He gave up Rahneeti (polity of the state) to embrace Lokneeti (polity of the people). JP believed that Lokneeti should be non-partisan to build a consensus based, classless, participatory democracy. He became an important cog in the countrywide network of Gandhian Savodaya workers.

In 1974, he led the student’s movement in Bihar and transformed it into a larger people’s movement with a call for Sampoorna Kranti (Total Revolution). He became the pivot for the protest and overthrow of the draconian Emergency. While others crawled when asked to bend, or played indifferent, JP chose to take on the darkness by standing up to it!

His life is lesson to stand up to the larger challenges. He moved from the active politics to community work to a people’s movement. It is not enough to do community service. It will be better if we measure up to the greater challenges that constitute the larger picture for humankind… like JP did!

Let’s BE BETTER at taking on the dark doom…
Like JP, let’s stand up to chase away the gloom !

- Pravin K. Sabnis

INDIGENOUS

The Goan Diaspora initiative, Goa Sudharop conducts workshops for college students. This year, the series connects youth with the theme of Spirit of Goan Volunteerism. Sociologist, Dr. Bernadette Gomes in a session, screened her documentary on the secluded Gouly community of Goa. The scenes of the habitats, the clothes, the lifestyles of the Gouly community seemed an unreal revelation for most.

Soter D’souza started the next session by asking the students to share their impressions about what they had just seen. The reactions ranged from terming the Goulys backward and being caught in a time wrap to comments pitying their discrimination and the fact that they were denied development and modern amenities and facilities.

Soter challenged the comments by questioning whether the indigenous community deserved patronising pity. After all, they lead sustainable lives in harmony with Nature. They walk the eco-friendly path while the urbanised citizens only talk about undoing the damage which is a result of irresponsible modern practices and tactics.

The word ‘indigenous’ refers to that what comes from the origin. The indigenous people are the tribes who are the original settlers of their lands. They continue with their original lifestyles and sustainable approaches. They indigenously resist the constant attack on their land, lives and livelihoods by the modern excuse of so-called development.

All of us need to be better as responsible citizens of this world by learning the attitudes and approaches of the indigenous communities who nurture sustainable lifestyles in harmony with our Mother Earth. Otherwise we would be deserving of contemptuous pity for our direct or indirect ecological sins that arise when we forget our origins!

Let’s BE BETTER at keeping away from eco-sins…
& stick like the indigenous people, to our origins!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

FOLLOW THE FLOW

A traveller lost his way while moving across a mountain. He came across a meditating monk. The traveller asked for directions to get out of his predicament. The wise monk calmly counselled him, ‘Just follow the flow’.

This advice underlines a philosophy with many interpretations. A simplistic reading suggests swimming with the tide. People guided by such a construal, generally accept things as they are. They do not believe in challenging or confronting a contrary situation. They follow the ‘conditions’ and choose not to sweat about any struggle to change the conditions.

However, the maxim is understood differently by trekkers. For us, it is a guideline to either get to the source of the flowing water or to its mouth. Depending on their choice of destination, we follow the flow to get either to the origin or to the other end of a larger water body that invariably nurtures a settlement. Instead of getting rooted to the spot, people who follow the flow are the ones who make a move.

Surely, we can be better at managing the challenges if we follow the flow by stepping out of a riveted state. Either we can get to the bottom of things or take things to their logical end. We can learn from a paper boat that flows with the flow. It swerves around obstructing rocks and moves on even when overturned by the flow it follows.

Let’s BE BETTER at getting out of the groove

Follow the flow and make the choice to move!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

TEACHER

‘Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel’- Socrates

Our personalities are moulded by the valuable lessons that we learn from our many teachers. They include our parents, formal teachers at school, skill teachers who teach us music, sports, as well as peers and even our own students. But the roles of parenting, teaching and mentoring generally come into two types.

It is pertinent to note that many see the role has one that moulds the personality, akin to a potter shaping a lump of clay into a magnificent creation. However, each child is a living being with infinite potential and is a future tree waiting to grow and bloom. Hence effective teachers are the ones who choose to be gardeners to the seed of potential that lies in the learner.

While the potter breathes life into dead clay, the gardener has to take care about not stifling the very life of the seed. In their respective professions, the potter and the gardener assume appropriate roles. However in teaching and parenting, while the gardener’s approach can really shape a personality and script a destiny, using the potter’s path can result in tragedy or cause a mutiny.

However, the role of a gardener is not as easy as it looks. It requires us to be better at tolerance, facilitation, allowing space and empowering the learner’s right to make a choice. William Arthur Ward said it so well: that ‘a mediocre teacher tells, a good teacher explains, a superior teacher demonstrates and a great teacher inspires!’

Let’s BE BETTER at the noble task of teaching

The learner-seed is nurtured with gardening!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

TAKING INITIATIVE!

Training sessions are enhanced by the use of appropriate videos. One of personal favourites - a video created in 2007 as part of the Lead India Campaign launched by the Times of India Group – is an excellent example of ‘taking initiative’. It can be easily viewed on the internet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFs5vWxW-vc

The early morning traffic is blocked by a fallen tree. On either side, people await a solution to the problem. But a young child drops his school bag and ventures to push aside the big tree. The onlookers, one by one start joining him and together they are able to shift the obstacle. Obviously they were inspired by the initiative of the proactive child.

Surely, the child did not have a false estimation of his own strengths and abilities. Yet he initiated action since it was needed. Taking initiative is not about measuring up to achievable tasks. Taking initiative is about taking up a worthwhile mission. It is about stepping out of our comfort zone and taking up the responsibility to set right a situation. Proactive persons do not wait for others to join their action… they show the way by taking initiative and thus inspire others to join along.

However, it is not enough to start off. A famous Buddha quote identifies two mistakes while walking the road (to truth)… one is not starting and the second is not going all the way. So many good initiatives are reduced to nought because people give up before the initiative is actualised. We must choose to be better at sustaining a continuous commitment to the initiative we take on or the one we join in. And we must overcome our own negative thoughts and doubts.

Let’s BE BETTER at taking initiative

By overcoming every looming negative!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Light, please!

Once, Alexander the Great went in person to see the Greek theorist, Diogenes and found him lying in the sun. When the monarch offered to fulfil his stated wish, Diogenes promptly requested, ‘please stand out of my light!’

The above anecdote raises pertinent points for mentoring as well as leadership. Too often we suffocate and stifle the very people we want to help out by dominating their space with our overbearing presence and shadowing their own inspired guiding light. So often, even mothers smother their children!

All this seems so strange, as all of us, as young children, have resented the same domineering by parents, teachers and elders. Yet we repeat the same story of shadowy surveillance, interfering interruptions and back seat driving with the same people who we wish would do something on their own! However there is nothing wrong in standing besides as long as don’t eclipse their light!

To be better at helping and supporting anyone, we must be able to give them the space to take ownership of their dreams, their plans and actions as seen in their own guiding light. In fact, after the incident with Diogenes, Alexander reportedly told his men who were jesting about the philosopher, ‘if I were not Alexander, I would be Diogenes!’

Let’s BE BETTER at helping others grow

By standing out of their light’s glow!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

AUGUST, 16th!

In India, the Independence Day is celebrated on 15 August by wearing patriotism on our sleeves. Our clothes, our facebook status, our group SMS and everything possible, proudly declares our pride in being an Indian. Almost all such publicly stated sentiments of patriotic pride are genuine and sincere.

However, it is pertinent to notice the same sentiment in the same people on the subsequent day – 16 August! Some years back, on the day after Independence Day, ace lensman Rajtilak Naik captured a plastic tricolour flag lying amidst similarly discarded garbage irresponsibly thrown along the sides of a road. Surely, on Independence Day that same flag must have been held firmly by a patriotically charged person.

The best of words and the grandest of posturing mean nothing. Plastic patriotism is nothing but a superficial mask that is worn on convenient occasions. In fact, posturing through only superficial symbols pushes us away from the earnestness of our real sentiments. Real patriotism is not about feeling proud, rather it is about doing our country proud through responsible and responsive deeds.

What we do or say on Independence Day is an occasional emotion. What we do or say on 16 August, and the other days, is of greater importance. If we want to be better at real patriotism, let’s be better at saying and doing whatever it takes for everyone to equally reap the benefits of real freedom, dignity and opportunity!

Plastic patriotism is nothing, but just an occasional emotion…
Let’s BE BETTER at backing intention with consistent action!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

HOBSON’S CHOICE

‘Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants, so long as it is black.’ - Choice offered on the Ford Model T.

In the late 16th century, Thomas Hobson rented out horses to university students at Cambridge. The students picked up their favourite steeds, and hence a few of Hobson's horses were overworked. To remedy the situation, Hobson began a rotation system, giving the customer the choice of taking the mount nearest the stable door or none at all. This rule became known as ‘Hobson's choice’.

Although, the term is used to mean ‘no choice at all’, Hobson’s choice is not an illusion of choice. Also, it is not the same as Morton’s fork which is a choice between two unfavourable options. It is a free choice in which only one option is offered. A person may refuse to take that option. The choice is therefore between taking the option or not. It is about aligning with either of the two alternatives: take it or leave it!

So often, we find ourselves in a bind over a situation of Hobson’s choice. We feel cornered as we think we have no choice. However, it is pertinent to note that every road offers the option to walk or not. If we consider the option of opting out, we are liberated from the situation of single choice. Many people have made a successful paradigm shift in their lives and careers because the chose to be better at understanding the second option in Hobson’s choice.

Let’s BE BETTER at a choice that seems only one

Hobson’s choice is about take that or none!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

THE OTHER SIDE

Once, a wanderer came to the banks of a wide river. He wondered on ways to cross the broad barrier, but in vain. Just as he was about to turn back, he saw a Zen master on the other side of the river. He shouted out, ‘Sir, please tell me how to get to the other side of this river’? The monk promptly yelled back, ‘Young man, you are on the other side’.

Like all Zen stories, this tale too holds multiple lessons. However, let’s consider it for the aspect of interpersonal skills. The two banks of the river represent two individual personalities that lie aligned parallel to each other. The river represents the space between the relationships.

While we seek to travel the journey to the other side, it would be better to understand that our side too is the other side with regards to the person across. So getting to the other side necessarily includes connect with initiative on the side that one stands on. The same concept is articulated with great simplicity in the quote, ‘if it is to be, it is up to me!’

More often than not, our closest friends are the ones where we take the initiative for maintaining and empowering the relationship. The onus of friendship cannot be on the other person. The responsibility lies with me to be better at doing everything necessary for my friend to see a friend on the other side… which is where I stand!

to BE BETTER at connecting to the other side

let’s do the needful, on the side that I reside!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

THE OTHER SIDE

Once, a wanderer came to the banks of a wide river. He wondered on ways to cross the broad barrier, but in vain. Just as he was about to turn back, he saw a Zen master on the other side of the river. He shouted out, ‘Sir, please tell me how to get to the other side of this river’? The monk promptly yelled back, ‘Young man, you are on the other side’.

Like all Zen stories, this tale too holds multiple lessons. However, let’s consider it for the aspect of interpersonal skills. The two banks of the river represent two individual personalities that lie aligned parallel to each other. The river represents the space between the relationships.

While we seek to travel the journey to the other side, it would be better to understand that our side too is the other side with regards to the person across. So getting to the other side necessarily includes connect with initiative on the side that one stands on. The same concept is articulated with great simplicity in the quote, ‘if it is to be, it is up to me!’

More often than not, our closest friends are the ones where we take the initiative for maintaining and empowering the relationship. The onus of friendship cannot be on the other person. The responsibility lies with me to be better at doing everything necessary for my friend to see a friend on the other side… which is where I stand!

to BE BETTER at connecting to the other side

let’s do the needful, on the side that I reside!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

WEALTH

Na biwi na baccha, naa baap bada na bhaiya...

The whole thing is that sabse bada rupaiya!

(not wife, not child, not father, not brother...

The whole thing is that the most important is money)

- Old Hindi song by actor-filmmaker, Mehmood

Wealth makes people go around in a never ending pursuit. It is the driving force for everyone, and a principal priority for the ambitious. At the inaugural of ABLE - JCI India’s training program for businesspersons, the Chief Guest, K Vallabhdas shared his father’s take on five types of wealth.

He listed the first type of wealth as personal health. The second is the wealth of relationship that comes from the unquestioning love from the spouse. The third is the unconditional nurturing that we receive from our parents. The fourth is the uplifting affection that is reciprocated by our children. And the last and the least in the list is the wealth of money.

All of us run too often behind money at the cost of the four greater forms of wealth. But money will come to nought if the first four are lost. Interestingly, the four concerns cover a wider spectrum of a better world for all of us. For we cannot makes our homes better for our family, elders and the children better without ensuring an environment of health and security, a world driven by responsive and responsible actions.

Let’s BE BETTER at acquiring the wealth

that comes from loving family and health !

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Alleppey, Kerala

PERSONAL ANTHEM

150 years after his birth, Rabindranath Tagore’s legacy as a poet, novelist, musician, and playwright continues to inspire… as does his poem - ‘where the mind is without fear and the head is held high’. While the entire poem is inspirational, the first line articulates the apt vision for a nation and its citizens.

In the film Sholay, Gabbar Singh said the immortal lines, ‘jo dar gaya, samjho mar gaya’ (fear is death). Our fears are part of the conditioning that we are subjected to since our childhood. Gandhi described fears as creative imagination. They grow to a magnitude that blurs our sense of perception. We must overcome these fears to be unfettered in our flight to newer horizons!

So often we indulge in plastic pride. While arrogance is self-defeating, true self-respect and self-esteem are the psychological foundations for the progress of every personality. They empower individual initiative and help fulfill dreams. ‘Head held high’ also refers to looking ahead to the vision that beckons.

We sing the national anthem that Tagore wrote. However we may have been a better citizenry and a better nation if we were to regularly recite and enthusiastically embrace the words of ‘where the mind is without fear’. Surely, it is an empowering anthem and it would be better if each of us chose it as our guiding lighthouse… as our personal anthem.

Overcoming fears and enhancing self esteem, we find

is the way to BE BETTER at empowering every mind!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

RISE UP monday-muse-12 July

Imagine a situation where a person trips and falls to the ground. What should he do? Should he wait for somebody to help him rise on his feet once again? What if there is no help forthcoming? Surely in such a scenario, most of us should choose to rise up on our own.

Self initiative is necessary to overcome an overpowering situation. Whenever our spirits are down, we must lift them ourselves. Proactive persons who take prime responsibility for changing the situation or even a downward mood are the ones who refuse to stay low. They opt to rise up on their own using the simple choice of self-help.

However, being the first to help oneself is not a practice to be employed only in times of defeat or despair. Even, when we deserve to rejoice over the smallest of success, we must choose to initiate appreciation and celebration. It is a lesson, we must learn from the footballer who scores a goal. He does not wait for his team members to come and applaud him. He immediately breaks into a frenzied run of celebration.

Too often, we shift the onus of support as well as appreciation onto others. And when none is forthcoming we sink into a deeper depression. We must learn to be better at taking ownership of all the happenings in our lives, both, the ones that lift our spirits and the ones that sink them as well. That’s the way to rise up, every time!

Let’s BE BETTER at initiating the right response

... to rise up above the overbearing helpless pause!

- Pravin K Sabnis

CHARISMA

All of us are influenced and impressed by charismatic people. All of us seek to be owners of charisma that can influence and impress others. It is a special quality of impact personalities whose principles, purposes and powers differentiate them from others. To be called charismatic is considered a valuable compliment!

Many of us believe that charisma is a trait that cannot be developed since it appears to be a deep-rooted personality characteristic. But, it is pertinent to note that it is a quality that can be acquired and learnt. For example, being enthusiastic and emotionally expressive is a major ingredient for dishing out charisma – and surely, it is possible to learn to become emotionally expressive.

Look around at people whom you find charismatic. You will notice that they smile easily and seem constantly enthused. Notice that their ever eager energy is very visible. And this is so because they do not hold back their actual feelings. The best method to develop charisma is to be better at expressing our feelings more assertively, openly and freely.

More importantly, charisma is about transference. Others must validate our charisma. And they will do so, only if it impacts them positively. The way to acquire charisma, according to Dan Reiland is, ‘Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are making them feel good about you.’

let’s BE BETTER at charismatic effectiveness,

by discovering our emotional expressiveness!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

MAKING A DIFFERENCE

Here’s an inspirational story that I first heard from my favourite teacher, Fr. Gatti... A visitor to a beach noticed that the waves brought along hundreds of starfish. However, when the waves ebbed, they left behind many starfish to die. The man decided to save the starfish. He would pick them one by one and throw them in the water.

A passerby observed the starfish saviour with amusement, ‘There are hundreds of starfish. How many can you help? What difference does it make?’ This kind-hearted man immediately responded, ‘It makes a difference to this one.’ And he threw yet another starfish back to the safety of the sea.

We need to ask ourselves: what difference are we making? Big or small, does not really matter. Surely, if everyone made a small difference, we would be responsible for a big difference. Importantly, for the one who is impacted positively by our initiative, we will have made the difference. And for ourselves we will have made the difference of moving to being part of the solution rather than being audience to a predicament.

Those who initiate efforts, only if results of great magnitude are assured, can never really make a difference. Ayn Rand has said it so well, ‘Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps, down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision.’ To make a difference, we must be better at taking initiative, without getting trapped in gauging the scale of impact.

In every situation, let’s BE BETTER at making a difference

... by distancing our actions from the success reference!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

PRAVIN SABNIS conducts UNLEARNING UNLIMITED outbound workshops. MONDAY MUSE is based on JCI-India’s National President’s theme: Touch To Transform (2004), We Are The Future (2005), Speak Through Action (2006), Develop New Dimensions (2007) & the JCI theme – BE BETTER (2008 onwards).

TRUE SELF

An eager student approached a Zen master with a poser, ‘I don’t know who I am. Please, help me see my true self!’ The master just kept silent. The man began to plead and persist, yet the master gave no response. Finally the man resigned to his frustration and moved to leave. At that moment, the master called out to him by name. ‘Yes!’ the man exclaimed as he spun back around. ‘There it is!’ exclaimed the master.

This Zen anecdote reminds me of the number of occasions when I search for my spectacles, only to have somebody else point out that I am wearing them! Obviously, it is yet another funny search to find what already is in my possession. Ditto for our search to discover our true self!

However, if we really look, our true self need not be a blind spot. Our true self is obvious to the ones who encounter us often. Others can see the obvious because they see it in our behavioural responses. If we analyse the consistency or the lack of our behaviour in response to varied persons and situations, we will be able to understand the choices we make based on our wants and needs.

Others can help us realise what we really are, but it is only we who can choose what we want to be. Hence, rather than spend time, effort and energy on getting to know our true self, let’s be better at becoming the true self we would like to be. It is important to focus on what we would like to be, instead of only determining what we are!

Let’s BE BETTER at being true to our self…

Rather than a shallow search of our true self!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

WIIFM

In most organisations, leadership responsibilities include the important tenet that motivation to achieve goals is proportional to the extent that self-interests are satisfied. This theory is popularly known as ‘What’s in it for me?’ or WIIFM. To put it simply, the WIIFM principle states that self-interest is the greatest motivator.

The WIIFM principle is used by many motivators to find out needs, desires or motives of their team members. These needs are determined by asking people what they want directly or indirectly by observing what interests them. Unsatisfied needs can make one experience the drive to pursue goals and satisfy his needs.

However, self-interest need not be of selfish nature. It is pertinent to note that helping others can satisfy self-interest. Surely, even being humane results in an experience of need satisfaction. For instance, not everyone participates in community work to satisfy the self-interest of recognition. So many do it because it satisfies their self-interest of making a difference to the situation or maybe just feel good!

Persons who involve in positive, proactive work have actually aligned their WIIFM with a broader vision and a larger mission. They are the ones whose self-interest lies in looking at larger interests of society. All of us need to be better at ensuring that our WIIFM is progressive and sensitive to the greater needs of humanity.

Let’s BE BETTER at looking beyond where self-interest stood

WIIFM should align with needs of the greater common good!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

CUP OF CAFFEINE

One night, a businessman was working late in his office on a crucial assignment. He was exhausted and was finding it difficult to remain awake. He reached out for the bottle of coffee that his secretary kept in her desk and made himself a hot cup of coffee. He immediately felt refreshed and was able to complete his work.

He mused over the magic produced by the cup of coffee in altering his tired mind into alertness. He was convinced that the crucial ingredient in the coffee that made the conversion possible – caffeine – was indeed a remarkable substance. He decided that he should thank his secretary for her thoughtfulness in keeping that coffee bottle in the office.

The next day, he presented a box of sweets to his secretary, profusely thanked her and waxed eloquent about the wonders of caffeine that was in the coffee that was in the bottle in her desk… Hearing this, his secretary began laughing and showed him the label of the coffee bottle which read – decaffeinated coffee!

His ‘belief’ that caffeine would drive away his tiredness transformed his state of mind. If he chose to believe, even a plain glass of water would have had the same effect. Our mind rules our body and our beliefs rule our mind. It is pertinent to note that conviction borne of strong belief needs no other crutches! Not even caffeine!

No need for crutches like cups of caffeine,

Let’s BE BETTER at beliefs that sustain!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

SOUND DETECTIVES

Sensory awareness plays a crucial role in Out Bound Training. One such activity is called Sound Detectives. Participants are asked to close their eyes and listen. They are told to detect the various sounds that they can hear… the nearest one… the farthest one… the loudest… the softest… eventually they open their eyes and share their experience.

The Sound Detectives activity is also done at Hall based Training, but the detectable sounds and their distance from the listener gets limited. The activity is best done in the wild or areas away from man-made-machine sounds. Participants are amazed to discover the range of sounds that they can detect… right from those of small insects to sounds of trucks that ply in the distant.

This experience holds valuable lessons of how to be better at the skill of listening. It shows that the onus of listening is primarily on the listener. To be better at listening we must be able to shut off all distractions and focus on our sense of hearing. Our ability to hear reaches and stretches far beyond our own expectations… if we would only listen!

Learn to listen and listen to learn – is a motto profound

Let’s BE BETTER at detecting the surrounding sound!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

CAREER

Results of the HSSC Board and Entrance Examinations have been declared. Those, whose results are below expectations, seem desperate and lost. And ones who have done well, also appear tense and nervous. Most students and parents are careering towards the race track of career choices. Interestingly, the term ‘career’ has its roots in the Latin word – ‘carrera’ which literally means race.

The pressure is increasing on our youth to make career choices without looking at dreams, aspirations and aptitude. Unlike earlier, when career options were limited, today a plethora of potential professions are available to plan a career. Yet, young students are being conditioned to attach value to few careers. Worse, they are being discouraged from moving towards their childhood dreams.

It is also pertinent to note that very few have the personal courage or the support to change tracks midway in their academic education. Too much pressure is generated by narrowing on select few career options. And most such career choices are at the cost of the real career – our life! It is important to not distance ourselves from real living. Career is, after all, the progress of the course of life. And living is beyond so-called status and handsome remunerations.

Surely, it would be better to make the choice of attaching value and purpose to our own living. We need to examine whether our careers will permit us to have the time for the real needs of our life – family, community, the environment… As for the dilemma of taking up a remunerative career, it is prudent to go by the only-two-choices philosophy - ‘choose the career you love or love the career you choose’.

Don’t get careered by the confusing choice strife…
Let’s BE BETTER at choosing the real career of ‘life’!

- Pravin K. Sabnis