Once, a wanderer came to the banks of a wide river. He wondered on ways to cross the broad barrier, but in vain. Just as he was about to turn back, he saw a Zen master on the other side of the river. He shouted out, ‘Sir, please tell me how to get to the other side of this river’? The monk promptly yelled back, ‘Young man, you are on the other side’.
Like all Zen stories, this tale too holds multiple lessons. However, let’s consider it for the aspect of interpersonal skills. The two banks of the river represent two individual personalities that lie aligned parallel to each other. The river represents the space between the relationships.
While we seek to travel the journey to the other side, it would be better to understand that our side too is the other side with regards to the person across. So getting to the other side necessarily includes connect with initiative on the side that one stands on. The same concept is articulated with great simplicity in the quote, ‘if it is to be, it is up to me!’
More often than not, our closest friends are the ones where we take the initiative for maintaining and empowering the relationship. The onus of friendship cannot be on the other person. The responsibility lies with me to be better at doing everything necessary for my friend to see a friend on the other side… which is where I stand!
to BE BETTER at connecting to the other side
let’s do the needful, on the side that I reside!
- Pravin K. Sabnis
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