Strokes

My favourite trainer, Fredrick Tucker would often narrate the story of an abandoned baby that was wasting away in a hospital… it was not responding to treatment and the doctors were forced to enter its condition as ‘hopeless’ on the examination charts. They had given up hope that the baby would survive.

As a last resort, a doctor who had uncommon success in dealing with sick children, for whom everything else had failed, was called in. He wrote on the child's chart – ‘put the baby’s cradle next to the hospital entrance. Put up a large sign requesting people to hold the baby and play with it for a few minutes before moving on.’

The instructions were immediately complied with. The method was ancient, but very effective. The magic formula took effect and the child began to prosper as visitors began to speak to and fondle the baby… the positive strokes healed the little baby that was suffering from a highly common human disease of indifference.


A stroke is a unit of recognition, when one person recognizes another person either verbally or non-verbally. Eric Berne introduced the idea of strokes into Transactional Analysis based upon the work of Rene Spitz, a researcher who observed that infants deprived of handling – in other words, not receiving any strokes – were more prone to emotional and physical difficulties.

Adults need physical contact just like infants, but have learned to substitute other types of recognition instead of physical stimulation. So while an infant needs cuddling, an adult craves a smile, a wink, a hand gesture, or other form of recognition. Berne defined the term ‘recognition-hunger’.

It is pertinent to note that ‘any stroke is better than no stroke at all.’ Hence we must choose to pass on strokes that encourage or reprimand… that motivate or instigate… that are positive or negative… but we must engage… we must keep in touch through strokes that ensure that terminal indifference does not set in.


Shun indifference, touch every bloke…
through a positive recognition stroke!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Worthiness

The demonetisation initiative of the Government created immediate difficulties for people who did not have usable currency or debit/credit cards. However excessive panic was triggered by propaganda that notes of the denomination of Rs. 500/- and Rs 1000/- were rendered worthless paper.

The reality was that the notes were not worthless… they had to be exchanged with new currency. Bankers worked for extra hours to facilitate this exchange but there was bound to be discomfort and distress for a few days. It was pertinent to note that no honest citizen was going to lose the value of his hard earned money.

Obviously crooks would cook up ingenious remedies to retain their unaccounted wealth. Many from this very tribe kept repeating the rumour that the notes in hand had no value. Some used it to support, some used it to oppose the move to demonetise. All that was needed was a simple exchange to retain the same value!


That which has intrinsic worth will not lose its value if appropriate steps are taken to align with newer dimensions of worthiness in changed circumstances. It is significant to note that the value of the currency will not reduce as long as we follow the legal procedure to retain the stated worth.

Similarly, as persons our personal worth is retained by ensuring that our values do not change with the situation. If our values our intact, then our character will be worthy. If our character is worthy, our worth will never be victim to the vagaries of time or situation as long as we make ethical changes. Personal worthiness is a value we can retain even when circumstances vacillate.

Change is a must when circumstances falter…
Retain worthiness by choosing to ethically alter!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Lethargy

A pet dog’s late night howling woke up his owner and his wife. When the dog’s laments continued, the wife asked her husband to go out and see the reason for the dog’s distress. The man pleaded helplessness, ‘I’m too tired to move’.

The howling continued and again the wife begged the husband to go and see what was troubling the dog. Again he gave the same answer, ‘I’m too tired to move’.

Eventually the wife went out into the night and the howling stopped. When the wife returned, the man asked, ‘What was wrong with that stupid dog?’ ‘He was lying on a thorn bush’ said the woman ‘He was just too tired to move’.

So often, so many of us are like the dog – people who would rather howl and complain rather than change their position? So often, so many of us are like the man – people who would rather suffer and wait for someone else to solve their problems instead of doing it themselves. The excuse masquerading as a reason is that we are too tired to move.

Lethargy is a matter of choice not a product of circumstance. Rather than be stuck in an apathetic attitude, we must choose to step out of inactiveness. We must claim ownership of every predicament that surrounds us and respond aptly and promptly.

Shun the lazy excuse of being too tired to move...
Let go of lethargy, choose the proactive groove!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Example

Father Crab and his child were taking a stroll on the sand. ‘Child,’ pointed out the father, ‘you are walking very ungracefully. You should adjust to walking straight forward without twisting from side to side.’

‘Sure father,’ said the young one, ‘but set the example yourself, and I will follow you.’


So often, so many of us expect others to do what we ourselves are unable to do. While it is good to encourage others to do things we have failed in, most of us are speaking from the high chair of being pompously judgemental. We urge others to be aligned to the path that we refuse to step on.

It is said so well that example is the best precept. We must involve and participate in the choices which we find worthy to be recommended for others. And we must walk the walk that we expect others to embark on. Like Gandhi said it so well we must be the change we want to see in the world.

The greater lesson is that we should not expect others to do what we have never tried to do. Too many armchair critics find fault so easily in the performances of others. We must, at all times, ask the important poser to our self, ‘Can I be a living example of what I recommend to others to be?’

Before asking others to do what you say
Be a living example by walking the way!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Blind Walk

On 15 October, NAB Goa (National Association for the Blind) had organised a walk on occasion of the International White Cane Day. In this cause of social outreach and to solidarity towards the blind, seven of us chose to walk wearing blindfolds. Indeed, it was an eye opening experience!

The blind walk was not strange to me, as I have done it many times before in training and theatre… but this time it was along a road with traffic passing by… under the watchful eye of guiding volunteers… with a white cane in hand and the senses of hearing and touch to show the way…

The most important thing we learnt was to trust the person giving directions. If it was someone who could not see, he/she would share their experience with the person behind. The ones who could see would be sharing details with a tone of caring in their voice. None would get irritated because they got hit by the white cane or repeated questions of ‘where have we reached?’

It was wonderful to hold on to the ability to trust based on belief in human goodness. It was great to be able to discover that handicaps are hurdles that can be overcome. It was empowering to move from the discomfort of feeling helpless to the committed resolve to march ahead, taking all help required from within and without. And of course, we embraced empathy for the ones who cannot see!

To walk the dark way, we must learn to trust. We must choose to overcome every hurdle. We must take all assistance required with grace and dignity. The visually challenged are doing it all the time… marching on to worthy visions. While we do our bit to assist them in every way we can, we must emulate their attitude of walking in the dark towards the enlightening vision of life!

the blind walk shows what it feels and reckons…
a worthy vision of resolve and empathy beckons!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Drop of Water

A Zen master instructed his disciple to bring him a pail of water to have his bath. After filling the bath bucket, the pupil threw, to the floor, the little water that remained. The master chided him, ‘Why didn’t you give the water to the plants? What right have you to waste even one drop of water?’ The young student attained Zen in that instant and changed his name to Tekisui, which means a drop of water.

While this story would be apt for “save-water” campaigns, it holds greater lessons for attitudes towards resource management. We all know that it is the little drop of water that creates the ocean. Yet we tend to be wasteful and indiscriminate in our use of resources. We must learn to focus on waste reduction and alternate use.

We must recognize the significance of what may seem insignificant. Every drop of water counts. We must introspect and evaluate our attitude which is reflected in the way we use every resource… be it materials, be it energy or be it human resource... We must be careful to not be careless with any ‘little drop of water’!

The challenge is to live life less wastefully. The accountability is on us to look at the larger ownership of our world. Our rights to our resources come intertwined with the onus of responsibility. Ignoring the larger liability would result in nurturing our own peril. Let’s learn to deal with every ‘drop of water’ in a responsible manner.

We must ensure that we do not carelessly waste
any ‘drop of water’ at the altar of needless haste!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Play well

The veteran may score a blank
The senior may walk the plank...
but the score book doesn’t mind
If the debutante turns into a find!

Best is yesterday, be better today
Great past goes easily astray...
The present play is what matters
Previous scores can turn tatters...

So don't put down another on age
Wise often is the younger sage...
For while experience has its worth
Youth can break free of the dearth...

The unburdened mind we oft find
Is sans shackles of the doubt grind..
It may be wayward or off the mark
It may be just a shot in the dark...

But score books don't really care
Whether a honed skill or just a dare...
Those who play well are a treasure
Performance is the only measure!

So ensure the focus and play well
Our true calibre only time will tell...
And when it does, don't turn smug
Around the turn, lies the failure plug!

We must play well all the time
Speaking with the humility chime
Especially when we grow real tall
And comes along a player small...

The veteran may score a blank
The senior may walk the plank...
But the score book will only tell
The tale of the one who played well!

~ Pravin K. Sabnis