After you

On the occasion of Ganesh Chaturthi, my friend was furious. He was upset with posts on social media requesting a reduction or nil use of fireworks and other pollutants. He kept playing the broken record, ‘what about festivals of other religions? Why don’t these bloody environmentalists speak up then?’

‘You are right!’, an inebriated passer-by joined the discussion. ‘All those bloody doctors are telling me to quit alcohol… I told them to tell the others first. Let the whole world first stop drinking. Don’t tell me to do it first! Tell them first!’

My friend got angry, ‘you are not in your senses… you have had too much of drink!’ The intoxicated one replied, ‘so are you… you have too much of victimhood!’ Playing adjudicator, I announced, ‘both of you have consumed contaminant!’

In etiquette, the phrase ‘after you’ (‘pehle aap’ in Hindi) displays courtesy. It is an attitude to politely urge another person to do something first... at the door, at the buffet table, at circumstances when both are in queue for the same purpose.

However, when the situation is of individual initiative it is irrational to insist on ‘after you’. Positive transformations happen when individuals step ahead by seizing onus instead of weltering in victimhood. It is said that ‘if it has to be, it starts with me.’

Victim mentality is when we consider ourselves as victims of negative actions of others. This position is used an excuse to insist that the ‘other’ should first ‘do’ the desired action. Such approaches of ‘after you’ are plain excuses at the best and devious escapism at the worst. We must take onus for our actions.

Unless in queue, quit the insistence of ‘after you’

Major transformations start with initiatives of few!

~ Pravin K Sabnis