Interest - MondayMuse of 16 July

On our tour to Uzbekistan, an interesting incident occurred in Samarkhand. We returned from dinner to our lodging. An enthusiastic group from Fergana had organised a dance party. Our group was invited to join.

We swayed to the dance steps, lyrics and music of their Uzbek culture as well as Hindi film songs. We followed their steps. They followed our steps. Our diversity blended to a happy collage of smiles.

By 10pm, the music had to be stopped. But the dancing continued as they sang their songs and we sang a Konkani number. But the most interesting thing happened afterwards. The two nationalities were animatedly interacting with each other for over forty minutes. That they did not understand a single word of each other's language did not matter!

It was a great reminder that no barriers can prevent interaction if there is interest in the other person. We take extra efforts to express and extra efforts to understand if we are interested. It is pertinent to note one of the meanings of the word 'interest': the feeling of wanting to know or learn about something or someone.

The converse is true too. If we are not interested, no common ground will be good enough. Whenever we struggle with interpersonal skills, it could be due to a deficit of 'interest' in the other person. 

All interpersonal barriers will be put to rest

When we discover (in the other person) interest!

~ Pravin Sabnis

Tashkent, Uzebekistan

posted on 16 July 2018

Deference

‘I am a novice compared to others in the room.’

‘I am way behind the worthy elders in the hall.’

‘I am lesser to the greater personalities around me.’

So often people over express their deference whilst reciting a poem, delivering a speech, suggesting an idea or performing in the presence of relatively senior persons. Some may be faking humility. Some are preparing ground to avoid being judged critically. Some are dropping their confidence. Some are playing it as reverence.

Deference is a position of surrender often leading to passivity. The state of submitting to the espoused influence of one's superior, often leads yielding to restrictive judgement of capacity and competency. While it is good to express reverence to the ones we respect, over deference is no good!

Deference will be oft seen by the others, as well as by the self, as a confirmation of inability. Deference cannot be confused with humility or respect for others. It may be a cunning act or a reflection of low self-esteem or just a cultural habit that believes that being submissive is of greater glory than being assertive.

Many wrongly feel that deference is the opposite of aggressive pride. Hence they choose submission instead of aggression. But it is pertinent to note that positive assertiveness is the right choice instead of needless deference. We can retain humility, modesty and respectfulness while being firmly assertive.

Modesty is a virtue… as is reverence
But a bane is unnecessary deference!

~ Pravin Sabnis

Maintain

The gardener shared his secret, 'The first part is difficult… levelling the land as per design, adding the right top soil, arranging the drainage and other necessary things. The second part is simple and easy… just regularly trim the plants, weed them and water them. Keep doing that and you get a garden that remains maintained!' 

The best of gardens are not just well designed. They are well maintained. Without sustained maintenance, great gardens degenerate to pathetic form. As important as the initial design (if not more) is the follow-up to maintain the initiative. The one who maintains is the one who sustains!

What is true for a garden is true for every endeavour for excellence. So often, we put up our best efforts while creating something. We manage the difficult part but falter at the easy part. Well begun, it is said, is half done! But if we do not maintain a continued consistency, our best start can be undone.

Consistency is the hall mark of real achievers. They maintain a positive approach to the things they started. They buttress their vision with a mind-set of mission and the ability to be both, dogged and diligent. Steadfastness holds the key to success. Persistence is a value that ensures that we can sustain the advantage of a good start.

The garden needs steadfastness to maintain
Consistency ensures that result will sustain!

~ Pravin Sabnis

Crawl

In 1975, on 25 June 2018, a National Emergency was imposed in India. The stated justification was ‘internal disturbance’. The real reason was to clamp down on mass protests against the Government. Civil liberties were curbed. It remains a dark period of fear in India’s history.

There were many citizens as well as journalists who bravely resisted the excesses of the Emergency. There were others who succumbed to the scare and refrained from protest. But there were some who yielded and capitulated to the diktats. About such persons from the media, L K Advani famously said, ‘You crawled when asked to bend!’

So often, we crawl when asked to bend. Gandhi referred to fear as ‘creative imagination’. It looks larger than it is. We can cope with this fear by fight or flight. But when we flee fear, it follows fiercely. This leads to the resigned choice to crawl when asked to bend!

The ones who stand up to fear deserve appreciation. The ones who are deterred by the fear deserve understanding and consideration. But the ones, who crawl, even when asked to bend, need introspection. Those who are in a position to stand up but nevertheless grovel have no justification. They are part of the nexus.

Even today, we find persons who do not have the courage to stand up or just speak out against the wrongs. Our character is confirmed only in challenging conditions. Standing up for values and principles is important to ensure that the unacceptable does not go unchallenged. Otherwise we will crawl even when not asked to bend!

Heed, if we crawl when asked to bend…
We yield and aid the detrimental trend!

~ Pravin Sabnis

Reverberate

A young learner was enthused about acquiring knowledge and skills. At the very first meeting with his master, he asked how he should prepare himself for his training. ‘Think of me a bell,’ the master explained. ‘Give me a soft tap, and you will get a tiny ping. Strike hard and you'll receive a loud, resounding peal.’

Like all Zen stories, the above incident puts across a simple yet profound truth. The best of bells reverberate to their fullest capacity when they are struck right. To make the most of what we are working on, we must give it our all.

We see an amateur make a mess of the best of drums while the accomplished percussionist can make melodious music even with a set of kitchen pans and pots. The latter knows where, when and how to strike. Their approach is never half-hearted or tentative. They play full on!

We must let go of restrictive efforts that limit our results. It is said so well that ‘If it is going to be, it is up to me.’ So the next time, we see the bell of opportunity, let’s realise that it is our strike that will decide the quality of reverberations. Hence we must strike well!

For every bell of potential expectation
Our strike triggers the reverberation!

~ Pravin Sabnis

Joy

The ultimate quest that we yearn for is happiness. Every achievement or success means less if it does not bring along inner joy. We wait for happy moments without realizing that the moment that went by and that the moment that comes will bring happiness only if choose to be happy. 

We tend to set too many criteria for happiness: ‘when I get this’, ‘when I have more money’, ‘when I have a better house, better furniture, so on and so forth’ and we forget to live every day, enjoying the moment. Eventually joy is an attitude not a destination.

So how does one become joyful? We can learn from little children. They can gleefully play with empty boxes and other trivia. For them, the sights of a bright flower or a chirpy bird or a gushing stream or a rainbow are triggers of great joy. A day of play with friends and family, whether outdoors or indoors, are occasions for joyfulness.

Surely, we were the same when young. We should be reclaim our ability (as a child) to truly live in the moment, not just based on the things in hand but the imagination to see them as things of joy! More important than money and material are the valuable moments of time invested in enjoying simple pleasures to be joyful.

Real or imagined… every little toy
Is opportunity to dip deep into joy!

~ Pravin Sabnis

Refuse

The essential part of a buffet is that the diners can see the food on offer and select from a wide choice of variety. Yet at the most sumptuous buffets, many of us eat a bit of everything and end up overeating to the point of discomfort. We find it difficult to refuse even when not forced to eat.

At the smaller buffets, we are better at exercising restraint. But when the buffet spread gets larger in terms of food items, we lose control! It is a human behavioural trait that when we are offered plenty of options, our judgement is affected. When we are spoilt for choice, our choice gets spoilt and awry.

It is pertinent to note that when we don’t refuse, we receive refuse. The first ‘refuse’ is the verb that expresses our unwillingness to accept. But the second one refers to the worthless, unwanted or plain, simple trash. Those who cannot refuse the excess on offer; end up having excess refuse in their stomachs.

The analogy can be applied in many spheres including environmental concerns. The mounting menace of trash heaping up is a matter of distress. However, it is clear that gluttony is the cause and this gluttony is born of the inability to refuse the excess. We consume more than we require and end up with a growing pile of refuse.

We can do our significant bit for our environment by refusing the needless. We should refuse to use vehicles when we can walk. We should refuse to acquire more when we can use less. We should refuse to consume more when we can consume less. When we refuse thus, we will be relieved of refuse in our bodies… and in our world!

For the ailment of profuse refuse
The ointment is to simply refuse!

~ Pravin Sabnis