A husband came into the kitchen and started badgering his wife, ‘hey! Be careful with the potato peeler… you may peel your skin! Please, watch what you are doing with the knife… you may cut a finger along with the ladyfinger! Don’t look this way… keep your eyes on the boiling pot! Hey, slow down… be careful… heed what I say!’
The stunned wife reacts, ‘what’s wrong with you? Why are you interfering unnecessarily… why are you giving unsolicited advice? For so many years I have been cooking without any mishaps…’
‘Exactly the point that I want to make, the husband asserted, ‘For so many years, I have been driving my car… without unsolicited advice!’
The story was shared over a long drive by Dr Vinaykumar Pai Raikar, a witty conversationalist and keen observer of human behaviour. He was making a pertinent point about the tendency to dump unsought, superfluous assistance onto others… and the disruptive distractions triggered by such unneeded interference.
So often, so many of us find it easy to direct actions of others that we may or may not be able to execute ourselves. The actor is focussed on the destination as well as the journey as well as the moving steps. But unsought directors unsettle this focus and disturb the mind by needless instructions.
Back seat driving is a role that we can easily slip into. It is a sign of disproportionate estimation of our own ability or underestimation of the capabilities of the other person. It may mean that we do not trust others or that we are not ready to let go. Even when intervention is necessary, it should not be unsolicited!
Unsolicited interference is not just upsetting
It disturbs the player and triggers unsettling!
~ Pravin K Sabnis
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