IN OUR HANDS

A wise man was renowned for his ability to answer any and every question posed to him. A bright young man decided to challenge him. He held a small bird behind his back and asked, ‘Master, is the bird I hold in my hands alive or dead?’

Obviously, he had plans for the response that he would receive. If the wise one answered ‘dead’, the bird would be let loose into the air. If the answer were to be ‘alive’, he would simply wring its neck and turn it dead. The sage spoke, ‘The answer is in your hands’.

Our choices determine the implications. Hence true wisdom is about recognizing that the answers lie within. But it is pertinent to note that the answers are triggers for actions. We can choose to kill the question or set it free to take flight towards a widening horizon. Life is eventually about how we choose to respond to the situation.  

Too often, too many of us retreat into a position where we believe that our choices are not in our hands. We transfer our responsibilities, and their implications, to other hands. We give up on self-belief and weaken our self-esteem. To better at taking appropriate action, we must claim ownership of the choices we make from the ones that lie in our hands.

A song from the Hindi film, Prahaar said it so well that ‘hamari hi muthi mein aakash sara…  jab bhi khulegi chamkega taara’. (it is our fist that holds the sky… when it opens, the star shall shine)

The sky lies in our hands, you see…

Let’s BE BETTER at setting it free!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

ICEBREAKER

Once, at the end of a 3-day Leadership Camp for college students, a girl discussed her predicament with me. The workshop had kindled in her many new desires: to act in a street play, to go on a nature trail, to join a green club… HOWEVER, she was ‘sure’ that her mother would not permit her to do any of these.

When I advised her to speak about her passion to her mother, she replied, ‘my mother is not the listening type. It is she who does the talking and I do the listening… her ‘do’s and don’ts’ cannot be challenged! When I find it difficult to talk to my mother; how can I convince her to grant my wishes? What do I do?’

I suggested, ‘Every time you see your mother, hug her, smother her with your love. Be ready for the ‘side effects’: she will get angry, irritated; she may push you away and ask you to quit childish behaviour… Do it at least five times a day. You shall see the results within a week’.

Three days later, came her call, ‘Pravinda, it works! My mother has now become my friend. In fact she wants to join me on a trek, something she always wanted to do… I am on the top of the world’. I cautioned her, ‘If the prescription is not used regularly, the effects may disappear.’

Talk happens best when the bonds of the relationship are frost-free! Frostiness easily sets in relationships which become stagnant due to a communication gap. Relationship bonds are better revived through the icebreaker technique of reaching out through personal touch.  Every act of caring, every word of affection helps bridge the distance between minds and hearts. 

We do use the icebreaker technique when starting out on new relationships, but ignore it in existing relationships. With time, we take things for granted and presume that icebreaking is not required for our close relationships. The ice that freezes interpersonal communication is the result of the switching off of the emotional connectors. This ice must be broken through acts that touch the heart.

The gulf between hearts can be bridged by acts of care…

Let’s BE BETTER at breaking the ice that makes talk rare!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Mumbai, India.

the END?

In Simla’s DAV public school, students were promoted to class XI before the board exam results were declared. Once the results were announced, some boys were sent back to class X. Surely; a worse form of humiliation did not exist. However, Anupam was confident of scraping through in his class X exams.

One day, right in the middle of the class, his father suddenly arrived to take him to Balji’s – a restaurant the family would visit only on special occasions. The boy wondered about the reason for the treat as his father ordered his favourite dishes. After a delicious meal, his father confided, “Son, you have failed your class X. This celebration was to prepare you for failure so that you are never scared of it.”

This priceless approach was indelibly etched in Anupam Kher’s mind. Later, it turned out that his father had seen the wrong result. Further on, the thespian just scrapped through for his degree. Yet his life has by no means been a failure. Rather it has been a journey of being undeterred by letdowns. He says it so well, ‘everything turns out just right at the end, and if does not, then you can be sure it is not the end.’

Too often, we let everyone’s opinion matter and herald the beginning of the end. Every time, we find ourselves at a seeming dead end, we must remind ourselves that optimism is the only way to live. Losers are not ones who fail… losers are ones who succumb to failure and give up. Actually, failures and failings are very much a matter of perception.

Do not let the illusion of a dead-end, make you wait

Let’s BE BETTER at crossing every failure’s gate!

- Pravin K. Sabnis 

Multi-Dimensional

In our very first Maths class in Std XI, our teacher JAM (J.A. Menezes) put forth a mental challenge. He first affirmed that three points at an equal distance from each other would be the nodes of an equilateral triangle. His query was: what geometric figure would make possible for four points to be at an equal distance from each other? A confident collective answer was heard: a square!

JAM pointed out that since the diagonals of the square were longer than the sides, all the nodal points would not be at equal distance to each other. Our further answers: a circle, a rhombus, a parallelogram...  were proved wrong, too. But when we gave up, JAM said, ‘Quit moving within the two-dimensional plane of thought. Move to the third dimension!’ The riddle was unravelled… the four nodal points of a pyramid are at equal distance to each other.

Till we kept searching within the regular two-dimensional framework, we could not see the obvious solution of the pyramid as it needed us to see the third dimension. JAM taught us that day about thinking outside the box. Solutions elude us because we search for them within the regular plane of thought. We need to stretch our thinking beyond limiting boundaries and move across multiple dimensions.

Our multi-dimensional world must be approached in a multi-dimensional way. We must be better at discovering newer dimensions to our beliefs, attitudes and approaches so that we can be better at seeing the obvious as well as adapt to new challenges seen from multiple perspectives.

By being multi-dimensional in tackling every obstacle

We shall BE BETTER at solving the perplexing puzzle!

- Pravin K. Sabnis