FACE IT!

Every time when we look at ourselves in the mirror, what do we see? Surely we see what we choose to be. If we see a glowing or a glum image it just reflects our dominant emotion at that time. It also mirrors possibilities of positive transformations in our thoughts.

Surely what matters is not what we face but how we face it! For instance, a bald person may go beyond acceptance of the situation to a confidence level that transforms it into a style statement. On the other hand, we notice the pathetic distress of those who cannot face a declining hairline.

We need to focus on ‘what is’ rather than ‘what is not’. It is all about facing the outside reality with inner strength. And inner strength comes when we take ownership of our lives, of what we are and of what we have. But first, we must face it by unlearning negative perceptions of what is good and what is bad.

Transformations best happen inside out. Worries and fears disappear when we face any situation with grit. We need to BE BETTER at looking beyond the surface to connect to the beauty of the inner self. It is pertinent to note that when we change our outlook to our own predicament; we see the outer world too, in positive light.

Let go of worrisome fears, just face it...
Let’s BE BETTER at ownership of grit!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

BLACK SPOT

Yesterday, I was in Mumbai to conducting an unlearning workshop titled ‘Hum Tum’. It is a Hindi version of my workshop on relationships – Me & You. Most of the members of the host organisation, Shree Jhab Jain Parishad, came along with their wives. Hence the thrust was on the most intimate of relationships – the one with the spouse.

One of the points that came up for discussion was the general reluctance of voicing appreciation towards spouses. This was in sharp contrast to the practice of sharing criticism. For instance, we make a fuss over food that is saltless or too salty. Yet when faultless, we may not state it to be so.

The founder president, Khimraj Jain shared an anecdote. A husband found a black spot in his cup of kheer. Thinking it to be a dead ant, he scooped it out with a spoon onto another cup. He kept finding more black spots and repeated his activity until the cup was empty. He told his wife that the kheer was full of dead ants. His wife calmly pointed that there was a black spot on his spectacles and none in the kheer!

Appreciation and criticism are eventually in the eyes, ears and minds of the beholder. Surely, all of us need to be better in our consistency and sensitivity in ensuring a sensitive response to every stimulus in a relationship. It is important to respond, but it most important to repond fairly... all the time!

Clean the black spot off your viewing glass
and BE BETTER at responding without fuss!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

FRAGILITY

A disciple once asked his Zen master about why the Japanese made their teacups so delicate that they broke easily. The master replied, ‘the teacups are not too delicate; but you need to be better at handling them. You must adjust yourself to the environment and not vice versa.’

So often, when we are clumsy and end up breaking something, we affix onus on its fragility. But it is pertinent to note that things don’t break due to their fragility alone, rather they break due to our own inability to match up to the delicate realities of the situation. The prime reason is the careless approach that arises out of an insensitive outlook based on a changing perception of the situation.

Consider the example of parents who may show great patience with a toddler, yet they may not display the same endurance with a grown up child. This is due to the perception that the older person has outgrown susceptibility to fragility. Human beings are known to retain their tenderness beyond childhood, right up to old age and surely they merit the same sensitive approach.

Hence, whether it is persons, situations or things, we need to be better in our attitudes and approaches in first recognising the aspects of fragility and then responding with tender and sturdy sensitivity. After all, most things that are delicate cannot be put together if broken. In more ways than one, the future of fragile things, situations and relationships lies only in our hands!

To BE BETTER at handling fragility...
Remember it starts and ends with me!

- Pravin K. Sabnis

BIGOTRY

‘Adgula Madgula’ was the closing film at the Marathi film fest held last weekend in Goa. The title refers to a traditional lullaby and obviously the film is about a baby. The first part shows a quixotic but well knit family awaiting the birth of a baby. The second part shows their stunned reactions when they discover the baby is dark skinned, unlike anyone in their families. They shun the one who they so eagerly awaited!

The story brings to the fore the irony of racism. We Indians, who suffer racist attacks elsewhere, are quite often full of ridiculous bias towards dark skinned people. Bigotry is the bane of humanism and yet it is so prevalent due to the constant social stereotyping of persons based on colour, religion, language and other irrelevant factors.

Abraham Heschel referred to racism as the maximum of hatred for the minimum of reason. We have to examine whether we harbour such irrational instincts of hate. It is not enough to argue that our prejudice does not result in the outright rejection of human beings. Luke warm acceptance is more bewildering, like Martin Luther King said.

The test of our humaneness is the character and the consistency in our response to others. To be better human beings we must unlearn the negative conditioning of chauvinistic bigotry. It is not enough to declare our open mindedness; our every action should move beyond intolerance and accept the true spirit of humanism, without a trace of discrimination.

It is only humanism that will set us free
Let’s BE BETTER at shunning bigotry...

- Pravin K. Sabnis