It is Okay!

These are the words that can either heal the other or hurt the one who utters it. We say it when someone spills or breaks something. When a friend cancels at the last minute. When someone apologizes for something that actually hurt. 

We say it because it is easy, because it smooths the surface. We want to be seen as kind or we may want to move on and beyond. However while saying 'it is okay' is a powerful act, it should not be misdirected.

It can be the most generous thing to do. It is forgiveness without a lecture. It is telling someone: You are human. You made a mistake, and it is okay. When someone is drowning in guilt, it can be the rope that releases both persons.

The problem begins when we say it even when it is not okay. You do it to avoid conflict. To keep the peace at the cost of our own peace. You end up teaching people that your boundaries are negotiable. 

We must learn to say it honestly. Saying 'it is okay' should be a conscious choice, not a reflex. It is okay to not be okay. And it is a joy when it truly is okay.

Choose to say or not to say

Those lovely words 'it is okay'

~ Pravin K Sabnis

 

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When? Then!

So often we choose 'I will be happy when... only then!' When I make a crore. When I have my dream car. When I get a coveted award. When? Then!

Psychologists call it the 'Arrival Fallacy'. Robert Holden called it 'Destination Addiction'. In simple terms, it is happiness deferral, meaning ignoring the small joys in the quest of the larger version of stated happiness.

The concern is not just that you are unhappy now. You begin to miss the only place happiness can actually happen... inside an ordinary, unfinished day in smaller but sure ways.

It is not about lowering goals. It is about refusing to make your well-being conditional on achieving them. If we reach the desired destination, we simply create another, thus deferring happiness to an even later date.

Aristotle said happiness is an activity, not a prize at the end. It's how you are while you live, not what you get after. So choose to enjoy the joys on the way instead of waiting for another day!

Defeat the trap of deferral by waiting for a later 'then'...

Lots of joys are found if we don't postpone the 'when'!

~ Pravin K Sabnis

 

#mondaymuse23rdYear #pravinsabnis #since2004 #motivation #blogging #MondayMuse

Role model

There are sincere persons who are aligned to defined responsibilities towards sustainable living. And there are self-declared environmentalists who are superficially interested in the environment. This tribe is interested in being seen as persons who care.

Their environmentalism is not about sacrifice. It is a curation. The norms they propose are for others. Their own consumption is framed as essential, conscious, offset. They are obsessed with symbolism over substance. 

Real environmentalism is boring, local, and humble. It is cleaning a beach without filming it. It is fixing things instead of replacing them, wasting less, consuming less quietly and living a sustainable life. It does not need a label, a hashtag, or a moral superiority complex.

As teachers, preachers, and leaders, we show the way to students, listeners, and followers. The question is whether we walk the talk and inspire by example. The question is whether we are role models to what we ask others to do.

Role Models, they say...

Walk the talk, every way!

~ Pravin K Sabnis 

#mondaymuse23rdYear #pravinsabnis #since2004 #motivation #blogging #MondayMuse