Unfriending

LIn the Digital Age, we accept a 'friend' in a second. Unfriending takes longer. That makes it feel bigger than it looks. It may be a boundary, not necessarily a fight. 

Unfriending is removing someone from your social network so they no longer see your private posts, and you no longer see theirs. Unlike blocking, they can still find your public profile. Unlike muting, the connection itself is cut.

People do unfriending for various reasons. Some do it as Digital hygiene... to reduce clutter, doomscrolling, and posts that trigger them. It is like cleaning your room. For some it is about relationship drift. Unfriending just updates your list to match reality.

People also unfriend due to indignation triggered by political posts, hate messages, excessive business pitches, constant oversharing, trolling. When direct conversation feels pointless or exhausting, unfriending becomes the exit. Some prune friend lists for privacy reasons.

The psychology behind unfriending is that we treat online friend counts like social proof. So removing someone feels like rejection, even when it’s not meant that way. The upside is that unfriending is practice for real-life boundaries. 

Every time you remove someone who drains you online, it gets easier to say no offline too. Your feed starts reflecting people who energize you, not people you feel obligated to. It can be great for maintenance for your peace. 

If with sound thought you choose unfriending

It will enhance peace without the bending

~ Pravin K Sabnis 

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Deflection

Deflection is a psychological defense mechanism where a person redirects focus, blame, or responsibility away from themselves and onto someone or something else. It acts as an emotional shield to avoid discomfort, guilt, or accountability.

Deflection is when someone shifts the focus away from the current topic, usually to avoid answering, taking responsibility, or dealing with discomfort. It is basically a conversational redirect that seeks to divert discussion. 

There are various ways that people try to deflect an ongoing discussion. The most common is to change the topic. Another option is a counter accusation. Some try to minimize the scope or impact of the ongoing topic while some decide to get over aggressive about something else. 

Most people use it as a defense mechanism. Often it is because one has nothing really to say. Sometimes, it is just a matter of inflated ego. The goal isn't to address the point. The goal is to move you off it.

To respond appropriately to deflection, the first step is to notice it early. You may realise that your question never actually got answered, but the subject suddenly changed. The trick is to stay on track and return to the main topic by using methods of assertiveness like broken record, agree-in-part, etc.

Don't swallow the bait of deflection

A cool mind holds on to the discussion

~ Pravin K Sabnis 

#mondaymuse23rdYear #pravinsabnis #since2004 #motivation #blogging #MondayMuse

Anubhooti

In Sanskrit, Anubhooti refers to experience that comes after observing and living through something. It is not just knowledge from books. It is a realisation born out of an experience.

We can read about or be told about rain, but Anubhooti is to get wet in the showers, feel the water touch the skin and to smell the wet earth. Mistakes, joys, losses, and little daily experiences all become Anubhooti.

A guru, an artist, or an elder is respected not only for what they know, but for what they have experienced. Their words carry weight because they come from Anubhooti.

Educational institutions are now bringing Anubhooti back into learning. Instead of rote learning, learners are encouraged to do experiments, visit places, work on projects, and reflect. When a child grows a plant, cleans a beach, or interviews a grandparent, the lesson becomes Anubhooti.

Information is everywhere now, easy to download. But Anubhooti cannot be downloaded. It has to be lived. It builds wisdom because you start seeing learning beyond textbooks.

It is important to note that two people can go through the same situation yet walk away with very different understandings, because their experiences are different. Hence Anubhooti will differ from person to person leading to multiple perceptions and perspectives.

Immerse in the experience to learn and unlearn

Anubhooti will happen as an unexpected turn!

~ Pravin K Sabnis

#mondaymuse23rdYear #pravinsabnis #since2004 #motivation #blogging #MondayMuse

Adopt a Tree

Planting a tree is an activity that has become fashionable. On environment days, during the ongoing Vanamohtsav Week saplings are planted as a photo-op. The next year the same space will be available to plant another sapling.

It is futile to plant a tree that will not survive because of lack of nurturing and protection. Speaking of protection, existing full grown trees are easily marked for felling for silly reasons.

Instead of casual planting, maybe we should adopt trees and look after them. The adopted trees could be fully grown trees or freshly planted saplings. The one who adopts that tree should look after it with care.

Adopting a tree requires the resolve of a consistent commitment. It is a choice made by those who connect totally to the common good. They do not seek immediate benefits for themselves.

So often, we are seized by an emotion that is well intentioned. But, the best of intentions can come to nought, if we do not back our initial act by a follow up of appropriate actions. So while it is good to ‘plant’, it would be better to ‘adopt’ and nurture that tree!

Choose to create a lasting legacy

Do not just plant... adopt the tree!

~ Pravin K Sabnis 

 #since2004 #motivation #blogging #MondayMuse

Steady Pace

In a culture that glorifies overnight success, the viral moment and over working, 'steady pace' is a prudent choice. We are taught to equate speed with ambition. Move fast, break things and hustle harder. 

Sprinters burn out. They also skip steps. The novelist who rushes to publish puts out a messy draft. The company that scales too fast builds a foundation of debt and duct tape. Speed creates casualties that steadiness avoids.

A steady pace isn’t slow. Slow implies a lack of urgency. Steady implies control. The marathoner who knows her splits. The student who studies 2 hours every day instead of cramming for 14 hours once. Water cuts through rock not because it is strong, but because it is persistent. 

When we sprint, adrenaline decides. When we are steady, we have room to think. We notice the crack in the foundation before the building collapses. We rewrite the bad paragraph instead of forwarding it.

At a steady pace, stay on your feet

That is the way to avoid any defeat!

~ Pravin K Sabnis

#mondaymuse23rdYear #pravinsabnis #since2004 #motivation #blogging #MondayMuse

Alter Attitude

A woman approached her friend for poison to kill her hostile mother-in-law. Her friend cautioned her, ‘since, everyone knows that you hate her, it will be obvious that you killed her. Instead if you give her this slow poison every day, she will die in six months. In the meanwhile behave as if you love her. When she dies no one will suspect you.’

The woman started giving the poison to her mother-in-law; at the same time, she acted as if she loved her. Shortly, her mother-in-law began to reciprocate her love and caring attitude.

Now, the woman no longer wanted her mother-in-law to die. She rushed to her friend to ask for an antidote. Her friend calmly replied, ‘what I gave you is harmless. I knew that if you changed your behaviour to your mother-in-law, she would reciprocate with positive feelings towards you.’

Attitude is difficult to alter. But behaviour can easily change due to motives. A changed stimulus invites a transformed response. A renovated response gives rise to positive experiences which lead to a positively altered attitude.

So often, we crib about the negatives in others. But the attitude of others is also impacted by our own attitude that is reflected in our behaviour towards them. If we alter our behaviour we will discover positive impacts that eventually result in transformed thinking and altered attitude on both sides!

When you want other's attitude to change

Try altering your own  behavioural range!

~ Pravin K Sabnis

#mondaymuse23rdYear #pravinsabnis #since2004 #motivation #blogging #MondayMuse

HEARD OR HERD

Two friends were out on a walk alongside a busy road. One of them stopped and said, ‘I think I hear something.’ He put aside a loose paving stone to set free a cricket that was chirping.

His friend remarked, ‘that’s amazing… so many people are on the street at this hour, hurrying from work; yet you alone heard the cricket above all the traffic noises.’

The first replied, ‘people hear only what they want to hear. Right now, the noise of traffic has neither increased nor decreased… but watch.’ He dropped a coin from his pocket to the sidewalk. Everyone within an amazingly large hearing distance stopped and looked around.

The man, who heard the cricket, had been able to retain his childhood ability to hear well. This was aided by his interest in the sounds of Nature. The hearing ability of the crowd was restricted to materialistic motivations like the sound of coins. 

We are born with amazing abilities to use our senses, but for most of us, as we grow those abilities get narrowed down to hear and see lesser and lesser.

Whenever we say that we did not hear something, we must accept that the onus is on us to heed and hear. Never mind the distractions; we must be better at listening. We must rediscover the child that was born with the ability to maintain an engaging interest and hence could hear it!

Choose to be different from the distracted herd

With keen interest, every little thing will be heard!

~ Pravin K Sabnis

#mondaymuse23rdYear #pravinsabnis #since2004 #motivation #blogging #MondayMuse