Star

Diwali is celebrated on Kartik Amavasya, the darkest new moon night of the Hindu lunar month. If you look up at the dark sky, you will find the festival of lights up there in form of shining stars.

During the day, our nearest star, the sun is so powerful that it blanks them out. It is only when the sun sets that the distant lights become visible. On a new moon night, the stars shine brightest in the dark sky

Darkness is not the enemy, it is the background. We try to avoid difficult times, sadness, loneliness and failure. But just like the dark sky, these moments give contrast to our joys. 

A small act of kindness shines brightest when we are going through a hard time. A true friend is recognized not at a party, but in a crisis. Courage is only seen when there is a situation of fear.

The deepest darkness reveals the most light. In the same way, it is often people who have faced the greatest struggles who have wisdom, compassion and strength to share. Their light has been tested!

Each of us has a little light - a skill, a kind word, a hope. In good times, it may not seem important. But for someone passing through a dark phase, your small light can be a direction. It is said so well, 'darkness teaches us to see the light.'

So do not be afraid of the dark phases in life. They do not mean the light has disappeared. They only mean it is time to look up, look closer, and find the star that was always there... in the sky, in others and in yourself.

In the dark times, see the star

For self and others, be the star!

~ Pravin K Sabnis 

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Breaking Point

A rubber band sitting loose and comfortable on a desk has no active function; it only gains value and utility when it is stretched to hold things together. Similarly, people often do not discover their true strength, capability, or potential until life stretches them outside their comfort zones. 

However it is pertinent to note that there is a 'breaking point'. Just as a rubber band has a maximum elasticity limit, pushing people or yourself too hard, for too long, causes the band to snap. In humans, this represents mental, physical, or emotional burnout and exhaustion.

It is said so well that 'don't pull till it breaks'. It refers to how much stress, pressure, or tension a material, relationship, or situation can handle before it fails. In relationships, when one constantly tests the other's patience, you stretch an already fragile bond with too much conflict or emotional distance. 

You should not push a person, a compromise or a relationship to its absolute limit... because once the emotional trust or patience snaps completely, you cannot easily glue it back together.

In the case of the rubber band, if two persons are pulling it to breaking point, the prudent one should let go. Later, it is possible to hook back to the same rubber band or bond. But if it is broken, it will be the end of things.

Do not stretch till the breaking point limit

Let go to keep the band or bond fully fit!

~ Pravin K Sabnis 

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Moon

The moon has no light of its own. It is a cold, rocky body, its surface covered in grey dust. Yet on a night like Kojagiri, it becomes the brightest thing in our sky. But, it is borrowed light.

The sun is the only great lamp in our solar system. It burns with its own energy. Moonlight is sunlight that has travelled a huge distance, struck the moon's surface and bounced back to the earth.

Moonlight is about 4,00,000 times dimmer than direct sunlight. Our eyes can adjust to it, which is why a night under a full moon feels bright. Our eyes find it as gentle, not harsh like the sun.

The moon teaches a quiet lesson: you don't have to produce your own light to illuminate the darkness. You just have to be positioned well enough to reflect someone else's, and to share it with those around you.

The sun is the real lamp that burns bright all day long

The moon is no less, ruling the night by reflecting strong!

~ Pravin K Sabnis 

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Partisan

The term comes from the Italian 'partigiano': a member of a party. In a democracy, parties need loyal members to organize, campaign, debate ideas and govern. The partisan shows up, volunteers, votes and defends his party's say. Political movements have depended on partisans who refused to be neutral.

Partisans turn negative when loyalty overrides judgment. Data is judged not by its accuracy, but by whether it helps or hurts one's own side. Many partisans are motivated more by dislike of the opposing party than by affection for their own. 'Hyper-partisanship' or 'tribalism' leads to institutional erosion too.

In everyday life, we navigate partisan pressures. Family, workplace, organisations and online algorithms reward taking a clear side. Being non-partisan can mean being uncommitted or disengaged. At the same time being partisan is often being irrational, unjust and unfair to the other side.

It is not whether you have a side, it is important as to how you hold it. Does being partisan make you open minded or close minded? Does it make you demand more from your own side or only from the other side? 

A healthy partisan says: 'This is my party, my cause and because I believe in it, I will hold it to its highest principles.' An unhealthy partisan says: 'This is my party, therefore whatever it does is right.' In that distinction lies the difference between a tool for democracy and as a threat to it.

Even when wrong, partisans cheer their team

Support your side, not the deviant scheme!

~ Pravin K Sabnis 

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The Elephant in the Room

An elephant standing in your room is impossible to miss. But if everyone pretends it is not there, the conversation continues around it. The phrase describes an obvious problem, difficult issue, or unspoken truth that is being avoided.

We know it. We see it taking up all the space. Yet, no one says a word. That is the elephant in the room... a truth so obvious, so large, that its very presence is ignored precisely because acknowledging it would be uncomfortable.

In a family, it might be a failing marriage that everyone knows about but no one discusses. In an organization, it is often the real reason a project is failing, a toxic manager no one dares to name, or a budget cut everyone suspects is coming. In society, it can be caste, corruption, climate change, or mental health... issues too big to ignore, yet too awkward to address directly.

There are reasons why we ignore the elephant in the room. Pointing at the elephant makes you the disruptor. People fear being labelled rude, negative or disloyal. Secondly, if we name the problem, we will have to do something about it. Pretending it doesn't exist feels safer than taking responsibility.

Social politeness is a major handicap. We are trained to be nice. Organizations often value harmony over honesty, so we choose polite silence over difficult truth. But, the energy spent ignoring the elephant is far greater than the energy required to address it.  

Every room has an elephant at some point. Mature people are those who learn to point to it quickly, kindly and courageously. Ignoring only makes the room smaller for everyone else. Acknowledging the elephant is an act of respect... for the truth, and for the people in the room.

When the elephant in the room is out there

Do not pretend otherwise, choose to dare!

~ Pravin K Sabnis 

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It is Okay!

These are the words that can either heal the other or hurt the one who utters it. We say it when someone spills or breaks something. When a friend cancels at the last minute. When someone apologizes for something that actually hurt. 

We say it because it is easy, because it smooths the surface. We want to be seen as kind or we may want to move on and beyond. However while saying 'it is okay' is a powerful act, it should not be misdirected.

It can be the most generous thing to do. It is forgiveness without a lecture. It is telling someone: You are human. You made a mistake, and it is okay. When someone is drowning in guilt, it can be the rope that releases both persons.

The problem begins when we say it even when it is not okay. You do it to avoid conflict. To keep the peace at the cost of our own peace. You end up teaching people that your boundaries are negotiable. 

We must learn to say it honestly. Saying 'it is okay' should be a conscious choice, not a reflex. It is okay to not be okay. And it is a joy when it truly is okay.

Choose to say or not to say

Those lovely words 'it is okay'

~ Pravin K Sabnis

 

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When? Then!

So often we choose 'I will be happy when... only then!' When I make a crore. When I have my dream car. When I get a coveted award. When? Then!

Psychologists call it the 'Arrival Fallacy'. Robert Holden called it 'Destination Addiction'. In simple terms, it is happiness deferral, meaning ignoring the small joys in the quest of the larger version of stated happiness.

The concern is not just that you are unhappy now. You begin to miss the only place happiness can actually happen... inside an ordinary, unfinished day in smaller but sure ways.

It is not about lowering goals. It is about refusing to make your well-being conditional on achieving them. If we reach the desired destination, we simply create another, thus deferring happiness to an even later date.

Aristotle said happiness is an activity, not a prize at the end. It's how you are while you live, not what you get after. So choose to enjoy the joys on the way instead of waiting for another day!

Defeat the trap of deferral by waiting for a later 'then'...

Lots of joys are found if we don't postpone the 'when'!

~ Pravin K Sabnis

 

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