Beyond Hearing

When she would return from her play school, my daughter had wonderful things to tell. No sooner she heard my question, ‘What happened at school today?’ she would begin to narrate the various incidents that occurred at school. I loved to hear about the new things she learnt, about her friends and the things that they did together.

One day, I was at home reading a book when she arrived home. I asked my regular question and she began to chatter away. I was hearing every word while reading a book. Suddenly she stopped speaking and started to make grumbling noises. I looked up from my book to ask her, ‘what upset you?’ She promptly replied, ‘you are not listening to me!’

I immediately denied her charge. To prove that I had heard everything she said, I began to repeat what I had heard. But she was unrelenting. She asserted, in the way only a young child can, ‘You were not looking at me! How can you listen if you are not looking at me?’

Listening is often confused with hearing. It requires us to move beyond hearing and proactively participate in the most important interpersonal skill! It requires the speaker to truly believe that the audience is listening. Paying obvious attention through right body language responses is very crucial. It also requires responsive feedback through apt questions, nodding, etc.

When we look at the listener, we receive communication beyond hearing. We notice expressed emotions and understand beyond the sound of words. More importantly, the one speaking is convinced that we are indeed listening and this encouragement ensures continuity in the communication. Looking and reading body language, giving feedback through responsive nodding and participating in the dialogue will indeed unite to impact our real listening.

Looking, responding and participating will aid listening...

These three ‘unite to impact’ to move us beyond hearing!

                              

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Goa, India.

Pass-it-on

Our world, bursting with technology, is full of well meaning people who pass on messages. Last month, I received a request to help blind students to write their exams. The contact number of the person to be contacted was posted as well. The message turned into a ripple effect as the receivers united to impact the consciousness of the community by forwarding it to all in their list.

However, calls to the number drew a blank. Obviously, all the well meaning citizens had not bothered to call the number and confirm the validity of the message. In their hurry to be the first at spreading a good message, they had ignored the basics of confirming whether the message was real.

So often, so many of us use sms and emails to forward what seems interesting, important or intriguing. So often, our intentions might be sincere but woefully incomplete when we fail to confirm the truth and facts. On the contrary, our intentions are exposed as superficial and extraneous.

Worse, consider those who play the pass-it-on game with hate messages. Masks of indignation are so easily worn by those who casually try to unite the impact of messages that come their way. These careless forwards result in fear manipulation that allows anti-socials to run amok. The pass-it-on chain regressively unites negativity to deadly impact.

Before we unite to impact, we must be clear about being positively convinced ourselves. Passing information is a good thing. However, we must first confirm for ourselves whether the details are valid. If not, we are just careless persons pretending to be conscientious. And when we forward hate messages that eventually raze humanity, we are not just careless… we are criminals!

Before you pass-it-on confirm facts and repercussion...

 ‘Unite to impact’ only after total personal conviction!

                              

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Goa, India.

Information

Imagine you are driving with your team in a bus. There you are travelling for hours and every now and then pops the question, ‘have we reached?’ It seems strange but is common occurrence. All are in the same bus, travelling the same road, going to the same destination? Yet the query, ‘Have we reached?’

When we hold information close to the heart, we end up carrying the enormous load all by ourselves. But if we share that information, then everyone can put in their little bit towards achieving it. In fact it is pertinent to move beyond just sharing the information. We must ensure that those in our team with whom we share the information with, also share the same convictions and have the same purposes.

There is nothing more powerful than an entire team pulling in the same direction, dreaming the same dreams and striving towards the same goals. Great leaders unite, among their team members, what can be termed a information package that combines vision, conviction and mission in terms of action plan. They use persuasive skills to sell the package. Some team members need to be inspired or some might simply need more information.

The leader has access to more information than the rest and this must be shared prudently. Throwing all available data at everyone is not helpful. The leader must filter the information before passing it on. Timing the sharing is also important. The team might not need to know all the details in one go. This might confuse their priorities and make some people collapse as they see the hurdles, real and imagined, looming before them.

How to share information is also vital. Sometimes, it is better to talk upfront. Other times, it is better not to talk face-to-face. Whichever way, sharing the information is an important task. More important is to ensure that the sharing also results in a buy-in by the team members. It is hard to move the carriage forward if all the horses are pulling in different directions.

Share vision, conviction and path of mission...

 ‘Unite to impact’ teams with information!

                              

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Goa, India.

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

Pedro needed to plough his field before the rains set in, but his own plough had broken. He decided to ask his neighbor, Ladro to lend his plough. He knew that Ladro was a good man and that he would have done his ploughing by now and he would be happy to lend him the machine. With confidence he proceeded to his neighbour’s farm which was four fields away.

After a field of walking, Pedro said to himself, ‘I hope that he has finished his own ploughing or he'll not be able to lend me his machine.’ Then after a few more minutes of worrying and walking, Pedro said to himself, ‘what if Ladro's plough is old and on its last legs – he will not want to lend it to me, will he?’

After another field, Pedro was seized with more dread, ‘Ladro was never a very cooperative fellow, he won't be too eager to lend me his plough even if it is in perfect working order and he has no further need.‘ As he reaches his neighbour’s farm, Pedro confirms to himself, ‘Ladro can be real mean. Even if he can, he will not lend it to me just so watch me go to ruin.’

Pedro crossed his neighbour’s gate and knocked on the door. Ladro opened the door with a big smile, ‘hey, Pedro what can I do for you?’  An incensed Pedro shouted back, ‘To hell with you and your bloody plough!’

So often, we allow ourselves our minds to be ploughed by negative contemplation. When they come in a sequence, the harmful thoughts unite to create a depressing impact on positive thinking and hopeful beliefs. Indeed this predicament can be overcome only by ensuring that to not allow the burden of experience to weigh us down.

So often, we tend to remember only negative experiences or imagine only negative perceptions. What is not desirable is that we allow the negative thoughts to unite to impact us regressively. Hence we must proactively connect our thinking to the positive experiences and positive perceptions. That would ensure that we do not put ourselves in the wrong corner.

Do not allow sequence of negative thoughts to create rage...

 ‘Unite to impact’ perceptions that ensure positive image!

                              

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Goa, India.

Life's Cube

Forty years ago, a professor of architecture at the Budapest College of Applied Arts, worked on designing a three-dimensional puzzle! Starting with blocks of wood and rubber bands, he set out to create a structure which would allow the individual pieces to move without the whole structure falling apart. Professor Erno Rubik’s Cube continues to engage learners worldwide as a thinking-toy. 

In a classic Rubik's Cube, each of the six sides has nine squares of the same colour. The six sides have six different colours. An internal pivot mechanism enables each layer to turn independently, thus mixing up the colours. For the puzzle to be solved, each side must be returned to comprise of one colour. It is easy to align same colour squares on one side. It is while setting right the other sides, as per single colours, that the first ‘solved’ side starts getting undone.

The state of a one side solution getting undone while trying to solve other sides is not just true in the case of Rubik’s cube! We see similar analogies in real life situations when we are unable to cope with multiple commitments. While we are setting right a few of the commitments, we see the worsening of the ones which we had already put into place.

Now let’s imagine life’s cube to have the following six sides: self, family, friends, community, career, life purpose. Each has many sub facets. Self would include values, health, hobbies, leisure, etc. Family and friends would include various relationships. Community would include various concerns and responsibilities. Life purpose would include larger dreams, commitments, etc.

Like in solving Rubik’s cube, to solve only a couple of sides to our Life Cube is no big deal. Real success lies in solving all the facets to the multidimensional predicaments. The impact happens only when all sides of our Life Cube are united in the resolution of their challenges. We need to learn from the many that solve Rubik’s Cube with ease. That, it is possible!

Yes, the Life Cube can be set right for every dimension...

Like Rubik’s Cube ‘Unite to impact’ the series of actions!

                              

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Goa, India.

DOING GREAT

The owner of a gardening business, Pedro seemed to be happy at all times. His work team too were a happy lot. Customers loved to visit Pedro’s store, or have his men work on their landscapes or make deliveries - anything from seeds to tools. Most assumed that Pedro was perpetually happy because he ran a flourishing business. But, it was the other way around...

Pedro always wore a big badge that proclaimed ‘Business Is Great’! Even, when times were tough, Pedro's attitude never changed nor did his badge! Everyone who saw the badge for the first time invariably asked, ‘What's so great about business?’ Sometimes people would comment that their own business was down, or even that they personally were dejected or stressed.

In fact, the badge was a conversation-starter, which typically involved Pedro talking about the positive aspects of his enterprise: his pleasure of meeting different people every day... his gratitude towards his helpful team members...  his personal happiness in the work itself... the new things he learnt from things going right as well as wrong... Pedro’s list would go on.

It was pertinent to note that no matter how unhappy a person was, he would end up feeling happier after listening to Pedro’s infectious positivity. However the enthusiasm was not a put on. Pedro had no doubt of the secret of his success: the badge came first. The great business followed!

It is interesting to note the replies to the query, ‘how are you doing?’ There are those who play victim and point out to pitfalls in their predicament. And there are others who choose to unite the overall positives of the situation. These are happy to be doing what they are doing and end up doing great work.

We must look at the larger perspective by noticing the affirmatives. Happiness is not just a choice. It is a choice that comes from seeing the larger picture of positives that surround us. We must unite to impact the heartening happenings in our life and ensure that we are always ‘doing great’!

 Own up to the positives around and ‘Unite to impact’...

The badge of ‘doing great’ will ensure the success pact!

                              

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Goa, India.

Rope Holders

20 years ago, during a trek in the Himalayas, we met a German scientist. The man was a muse… every expression of his emerged from deep thinking. There were many correlations he made between the realities of mountaineering and the philosophies of life. One such powerful analogy lingers in the mind…

‘When you are hanging down a cliff... with a deep fall beneath… and only a rope to hold on to… who do you want to be holding the rope on the other side?’, he asked. Most of us ended up declaring names of our most trusted friends or relatives. Surely, we needed someone who could endure the burning pain of holding the rope with a sense of commitment and determination.

The modern sage then asked us whether those trustworthy persons would be constantly around us to hold the rope. We immediately looked around at each of us in the team. We knew that in real terms, it was the people in our team who would hold the rope for us. That night, we held hands around the campfire, resolving to be dependable rope-holders to each other.    

We must look around every team we belong to and do everything necessary to unite to impact the possibilities of symbiotic support. We need to be able to confirm the trust that everyone would endure the bleeding pain that is inflicted on the hands of those holding the rope. In every team, we need persons who stand up for the others in difficult situations.

It is pertinent to note that committed rope-holders are often an ignored tribe. They are the ones who don’t let go even in the toughest predicaments. True leaders can identify that these rope-holders are the real reasons for the survival and success of the team. And of course, true leaders will display the fullest commitment by holding the rope for the others in the team.

Truly, it is rope-holders who ‘unite to impact’...

For they ensure the team’s dependability tract!

                              

- Pravin K. Sabnis

Goa, India.